


Literally Just The Worst Thing

by Baroness_of_Bara



Series: Extremely Gay Discord Anthology [1]
Category: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Genre: All of them have issues, Alternate Universe - Human, And learns he's bi and has a thing for bad boys, Ass Play, Ass Worship should be a tag tbh, Choking, Crossdressing, Crossdressing Kink, Curvy Spike, Discord can be badass, Discord has no filter, Discord is a Mind-Bending Abomination, Discord is a good boyfriend, Discord is a good dad, Discord is a nice guy, Discord is p much omnisexual, Double Penetration, Drabble Collection, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, Garble is just really friggin pissy and tempermental, Garble is not the best boyfriend but he tries rlly hard okay, Garble tries to be badass but he's too much of a nerd, Garble's minimum age is 19, Gay Sex, He is a fREAK, In a sexy skin, M/M, MUCH OLDER MAN, Manipulative!Discord, Mildly Dubious Consent, Most of the time, Multi, Occasionally OoC Discord, Older Man/Younger Man, One Shot Collection, One Sided Attraction, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Child Abuse, Past Sexual Assault, Past sexual relationship, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Polyamory, Porn With Plot, Porn in general, Rape/Non-con Elements, Rough Sex, Screwball is a crass lil thing, Screwball is a cutie, Sorry Not Sorry, Spike can be badass, Spike gets over his crush on Rarity, Spike's Minimum age is 17, Srsly how old is Discord?, Tentacles, Threesome - M/M/M, Tirek is a cunt, ass worship, body image issues, headcanons, it can happen to the best of us, its just a prank bro, once you get past the assholish stuff, what if
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-20
Updated: 2018-02-17
Packaged: 2018-12-04 13:21:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 28,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11556051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Baroness_of_Bara/pseuds/Baroness_of_Bara
Summary: awful, cancerous drabbles, headcanons and one-shots about Spikecord, a ship I literally CREATED one day while half asleep and watching re-runs of MLP.Might also have (who am I kidding, it DEFINETLY WILL HAVE) stuff about Spike X Garble, Garble x Discord, and Spike x Discord x Garble.





	1. Small (Drabble)

**Author's Note:**

> All characters are in human form, until otherwise stated in the chapter. There is no particular order in the story, so you could pick up pretty much anywhere and it will make JUST as much sense.
> 
> I already posted this on Wattpad, but that sites dyin a bit, so I figured this one might be better.

Rating: T

Words: 709

Summary: Spike and Discord are chilling, and then Discord ruins it. Because he's a jerk.

\- - - - - -

"You're small."

Spike jumped at the sound of the other male's voice. They were taking what could be equated to a siesta, resting under a large tree just outside town. Discord had been rather quiet the past several minutes (a rare and miraculous occurrence given his disposition), and Spike had begun to drift off as he leaned back against the other man, the pleasant and steady wind caressing his skin.

 

"Hn? Whaddya mean?" The younger man responded groggily, running a pale hand through his lime green hair and blearily blinking his emerald green eyes.

 

"You're...small. In almost every way. Its so... _interesting_ don't you think?" Spike raised an eyebrow and glanced back at his boyfriend.

Discord wore a wide, goofy grin. Spike would even go as far as to call it shit-eating. "Not...really."

Discord rolled his eyes. "I'll demonstrate, since it's clearly not clicking." He grabbed the boy's left hand, before positioning it in the center of his own. Spike looked down, confused at the odd action. Though, he supposed 'odd' and 'Discord' were pretty much synonymous with each other.

"I'm...not following you, man." Spike deadpanned.

Discord chuckled.

 _'Gods I love that sound.'_ Spike felt his cheeks heating up at that thought.

"Look at it. At your hand." Spike stared at his hand.

Riveting...?

Discord chuckled again, curling his long, tapered fingers around Spike's hand, effectively swallowing it in his grasp. "Your hands. Look how _small_ they are."

Spike blushed a deeper shade of red. "N-no they aren't! You're just stupidly tall! And your hands are bigger than normal! Like, how tall even are you, 8 feet!?"

"Six five, actually."

"Basically the same. Too tall!" Spike squawked, pulling his hand from the older male's hold and folding his arms. Discord laughed for real now, and Spike felt his heart flutter. Discord's laugh, his REAL laugh, with no malicious undertones, was one of the sweetest, most comforting things Spike had ever heard.

"No, you're just small." Discord concluded, resting his chin on top of the smaller man's head and nestling into his curly green locks of hair.

"Hands don't prove I'm small." Spike huffed.

Discord hummed before picking up the greenette and flipping them both over, Spike letting out a startled yelp as he did so. Discord now loomed over him, large hands firmly squared on both sides of his head, his entire form dwarfing Spike's, casting a shadow over the younger man. The 'shit-eating grin' had widened more now, and had started to take on a more seductive air.

Spike swallowed harshly and he was certain his face was dyed scarlet by now.

_'Please tell I'm not sweating...'_

"U-uh...hmm...this p-proves nothing..."

Discord chuckled. "You're certain? It definitely looks like it does."

"Well then, I guess you need glasses, huh old man?" Spike snapped, starting to shake with nervousness. He was getting a bit hot under the collar. Situations like these were how... _incidents_ between them started.

Discord hummed again, leaning down to whisper in Spike's ear. " _ **Or perhaps...you're just really small.**_ "

Spike shuddered and let out a strangled gasp( that sounded more like a moan than anything).

Discord snorted and pulled back to look the boy in his eyes. "If all I have to do is whisper in your ear and stand over you to get you all flustered and bothered, I must say I feel a bit gypped. You never do this when I'm actively _trying_ to seduce you. I should feel insulted, but I'm more focused on how edible you look right now."

"Sh-shuddup..." Spike murmured, leaning forward and planting his lips on the other man's. Discord hummed happily, closing his eyes and leaning in. Spike gripped his boyfriend's shirt and fisted his small hands into the fabric, ruffling it. Spike then pulled away, his face still as red as a ripened apple.

Discord let out a dreamy sigh. "So spontaneous, so passionate..." he purred. Spike scoffed and rolled his eyes to the side, lips poked out in a pout.

"Anything to shut you up sometimes.  I swear I preferred it when you were quiet."

"How rude. Don't take your small aggression out on me."

"I'm not small!"

"Of course you aren't, love."


	2. Perfect Imperfection (One-Shot)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pairing: Spike and Discord  
> Rating: T  
> Warnings: Slight self-harm, some angst, body hatred, general sappiness  
> Words: 1368  
> Summary: Spikey has some issues with his body. Poor baby.
> 
> Not a trans!Spike fic, but if you wanna read it like that, I won't care. You do you man. :^)

Spike stared at his body in the full length mirror at the corner of his bedroom, a frustrated sigh escaping his lips.

"Dammit. Not this one either." The greenette stared down at the legging and shorts combo that he had put on. His eyes drifted over his thick thighs and wide hips, and felt bile well up in his throat. Ten. Ten pairs of assorted shorts, leggings, capris, and jeans, and NONE of them made his proportions any less noticable.

He had _just_ managed to find a forgiving t-shirt that didn't accentuate the curvyness of his torso or the pudge along his waist and belly. That had taken 30 minutes. He was so upset he could have cried.

He and Discord were going out, and Discord could show up at any moment.

Quite literally.

Spike covered his face with his hands, hissing. It would be different if it was Twilight. She was like his sister, his guardian. She didn't care how weird and awful he looked on a regular basis. But Discord? He had no idea.

He raised his eyes to glare at the ugly, girlish _thing_ he saw in the mirror. He was a boy, hell, practically a grown man. He was supposed to be lean, or stocky. Boyish. Mannish.

Men didn't have curvy hips.  
Men didn't have to shop for women's clothing because the way men's clothing was cut made him look even more dumpy and unattractive than he already was.  
Men didn't have long, curly, 'pretty' hair that they have to comb and preen and wash nearly every other day.

He felt tears well in his eyes as he pulled away to look down at his hands. His nails were long, and had been painted recently by Screwball, Discord's daughter. The acryllic on top of the lime green and magenta polish gleamed and shone in the light of the sun, just like the gems he adored so much. He felt more tears come. He had wanted to say no when she asked to paint them, but she was so persistent that he gave in. At the time, he thought they had looked pretty.

Now, they just made him feel ill.

He sat on the ground, curling up into a ball, his knees tucked to his chest. His nails dug into his bare arms. He barely even noticed as they broke through, red droplets blossoming on his fair skin. He barely cared either. He was sobbing now, hiccuping out gasps of air. He could barely breathe.

An anxiety attack. He hadn't had one since he was 14.

"Spike? Are you ready?"

Spike froze. He was here.

And Spike looked _hideous_.

"Discord?" Spike sniffed, rubbing his eyes. He heard the older man walk over and crouch next to him.

"Why are you curled up on the floor?" Spike's watery, emerald green eyes drifted over to meet Discord's own yellow and red. He saw the mild concern in them and felt ashamed.

"I'm sorry...I must look a mess." Spike stammered out, uncurling and struggling to stand up.

"Please, you look fi-" Discord's eyes widened and he carefully but firmly grabbed the boy by his forearm and held it up. The crescent shaped wounds on his arm were still bleeding, and the blood was slowly dripping down and making a small puddle on the crystal floor. "You're hurt. How?"

Spike wiped his eyes. "Huh?" He glanced at his right arm, and the blood on it. "Oh...I didn't even notice."

Discord sighed before mumbling something into his free hand. He then placed it on the boy's arm. Tendrils of soft, peach colored light began to snake their way up his arm and to his wounds. Spike stared in awe as they began to close, leaving light, slightly discolored, barely noticeable scars.

Spike grimaced. Great, more ugliness.

"So, now that that's taken care of...you wanna explain what's going on in that lovely little mind of yours?"

Spike cringed. "Not really."

"Spike..."

"Fine..." Spike sighed and stared at his shoes. The one thing that didn't matter. In comparison to everything else.

"I'm...ugly, Discord."

Discord raised an eybrow. "...pardon?"

"I'm. Ugly." Spike ground out, clenching his fists.

"How?" Discord asked, sounding genuinely confused.

"How? _How?_ Are you fucking **_blind_**? Look at me! Look at my body!" Spike shrieked, pulling off his shirt, tears coming to his eyes again. He threw the shirt to the ground. "I'm fat!"

Spike laughed softly, tears streaming down his cheeks. "I mean I guess it should be expected with how I stuff my fucking face on a regular basis!"

"Spike-"

He put his face in his hands and laughed harder. "But I mean, that's not even the worst of it. Oh no." He pointed at his hips and thighs.

"Look at this!? I'm a boy, Discord. Not a woman. I'm not supposed to look like _this_! My hips, my legs, my hair, my _ass!"_ He trailed off into a whimper, head hanging low. "I'm a _freak_. No matter what I wear, or how I style my hair, or what I eat, I'll ALWAYS look like this. An adrogynous little freak that has to buy girl's jeans and shirts because I look like a TODDLER wearing men's clothing." He let out a strangled sob. "And when I look at you, I just feel so...hollow! You're what a man should look like! Tall, broad shouldered. Not..like me. You're so handsome and... _perfect_...and I just..."

He trailed off, sniffling.

"I HATE my body. I...I can only imagine how you feel about it..." he said.

Discord didn't say anything. Spike felt anxiety build up again and he scrunched his eyes closed.

_Great job, freak. You think you'll keep him close by airing out your stupid insecurities like a teenaged girl?_

"I...understand if you don't want to go out with me now..."

Discord grabbed the boy by his shoulders.

"H-Huh? What're you-"

The man turned him around to face the mirror, and gently raised his head so he could look at himself.

Spike stared in the mirror. Discord's face was ashen and forlorn.

"Spike. Look in the mirror. What do you see?"

"Ugliness."

"I see. Well do you wanna know what I see?"

"...yes?"

"A beautiful, perfectly imperfect young man, with gorgeous green eyes, and a lovely figure, and hair that is to die for."

Spike blushed. "You're just sayin' that..."

Discord shook his head. "Nope. Its all true."

"I'm mediocre at best..."

"Spike. Look at me."

Spike looked at Discord in the mirror. The older man just shook his head.

"Not in the mirror."

Spike turned around to look Discord in the eyes. Discord wiped a still falling tear from the younger man's cheek.

"Do you know what the opposite of perfect is, Spike?"

"Me?"

"No. Good. Good is the opposite of perfect. No one, _no on_ e is perfect. Not you, or me, or Celestia, or any of your friends. You have flaws. And I wouldn't have you any other way. I think you are lovely, and intelligent, and _attractive._ And you simply would NOT be interesting if you were perfect. I love ALL of you."

Discord bent down to kiss the greenette's pudgy stomach. Spike blushed. "Your curves..."

He placed another kiss on a few of the younger man's just-healed arm scars. "Your edges..."

He rose to his full height and leaned down to kiss Spike on the forehead. "All of it. Okay?"

Spike let out another sob, a crooked smile on his face. He wrapped his arms around his boyfriend's waist and let out a soft sigh as he felt strong arms encirle him.

"Do you still w-wanna...go out?"

"We can if you want to."

"I don't, not r-really." Spike bit his lip. "I kinda just want you to...cuddle with me. On the bed." He blushed slightly. "Only cuddling though..."

Discord just smiled. "Whatever you want, love."


	3. Can Opener (Drabble)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pairing: Garble/Discord, mentioned Discord/Spike/Garble  
> Rating: T  
> Warnings: Swearing  
> Words: 678
> 
> Discord is a creature of extensive knowledge, unfathomable mystery, and unlimited power.
> 
> He also completely lacks tact, common sense, or a brain that can actually form cohesive ideas.

Garble woke up feeling hungry.

Scratch that, he woke up feeling hungry as _fuck._

So he went down to the kitchen to get SOMETHING to eat. At this point he'd even eat Spike's weird colored casserole or one of Discord's disgusting sugary desserts. As nasty as he found his...'boyfriends'...eating choices, he was starving.

He walked into the kitchen and was immediately met with bullshit.

"What the everloving mother of fuck are you _doing?"_ he snapped, staring at the everlasting and defacto source of said bullshit, Discord.

He was currently holding a small can of peaches in his hands. His tooth was currently halfway embedded in the top of the can. The chaos spirit had a look on his face that was a mixture of determination and frustration.

The thing that really got to Garble was the fact that he appeared to have actually cut it partially.

One of Discord's red eyes shifted to look at the younger man, while the other remained focused on the man's asinine and ridiculous task. "Ah couln fine da can ohpner." Discord mumbled, his words muffled by the metal can.

"Why didn't ya just open it with your weird chaos powers?" Garble asked, trying not to acknowledge that Discord could make his pupils move independently of each other.

Discord shrugged. "Ta be honest, eye thaw of dat a mih nit ago, buh I figuhed iz too lay to stawp now."

"Ugh, stop talking with your mouth full, you sound like a schmuck." The ginger paused. "More of a schmuck than usual." he corrected.

"Eye resen dat remahwk."

Garble sighed. "Why is it that you only go full retard when Spike isn't here?"

Discord let out a noise that was likely supposed to be a haughty scoff, but sounded more like the man was struggling to breathe. "Lie yew cun tahk."

"Ugh, you could've used a screwdriver or knife and it would have been faster AND made you look like less of a dumbass."

Discord rolled his eyes and resumed moving the can around the curved contour of his tooth. Garble pinched the bridge of his nose and pulled his folding combat knife out of his pocket. He walked over to the taller man and held out his hand. "Give me the fucking can before you hurt yourself, you dingbat." the man growled. Discord glared at the younger man for a second before letting out a defeated sigh. He took his hands away from the can, however, the can remained attached to his tooth. Garble rolled his eyes and grabbed it, yanking it off none too gently. Discord scowled and rubbed his jaw. Garble shifted the peach can to a good stabbing position, before working his knife into the half cut slit on the top. He worked quickly, sawing open the container. The jagged metal curved upwards, finally revealing the orange, sliced fruits sitting in the light, clear colored syrup.

Garble grimaced. He hated fruit.

He quickly handed the now opened can to the taller man. Discord took it gently, carefully avoiding the sharp edge of the top.

"Next time, call me or Spike before you do something dumb like that. "

"Oh, what _ever_ would I do without you?" Discord retorted, his sarcasm oozing from every word as he snapped his fingers, summoning a fork and picking out a rather large peach slice. The ginger scoffed and turned to leave. "Wait."

Garble let out a longsuffering sigh. "Whaddya want old m-" he was cut off as a kiss was placed firmly on his lips. His eyes widened and he put up no resistance as a tongue slid past his teeth. Garble let out a slightly confused moan.

So.

That's what peaches tasted like.

And as soon as the kiss had occurred, it was over. Discord pulled away, leaving the younger man flabbergasted and blushing.

"Thanks." the chaos spirit said, winking before turning and exiting the other side of the kitchen.

Garble blinked slowly, dazed. "S-Sure...."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My headcanon is that Discord is hungry, any bit of common sense just *poof*. goes away.


	4. Cuddles (Drabble)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pairing: Garble/Spike/Discord  
> Rating: General  
> Words: 395
> 
> Summary: Sometimes its nice to take it easy. Especially when its with people you care for.  
> Normal canon universe, non-human forms.

"No. _Way_." Garble snarled, folding his arms.

"Aw c'mon! Don't knock it til' ya try it, Garble." The purple dragon pleaded, patting the space next to him in the grass.

"I said no. Maybe 'cuddling' is something _ponies_ do, but we're dragons. We don't cuddle." The larger red dragon shuddered in revulsion. Especially considering who Spike wanted him to cuddle with.

" _I'_ _m_ not a pony and _**I**_ like to cuddle." said Discord, his tone rather lackadaisical. His tail was draped around Spike's middle, and the small dragon was resting his head on the fluffy white down at the tip.

Garble scoffed. "You don't count, weirdo."

Discord opened one eye to glare at the other male. "Maybe you could try **_relaxing_** , instead of sitting there with a log up your a-AGH!"

"Discord, no cursing!" Spike scolded, having nipped his tail. Discord grabbed his wounded tail and scowled at the purple dragon.

"Abusive runt. You're lucky I like you."

"Keep it up and I'll ban you from Guy's Night for the next two months." he retorted. Discord sighed and zipped his lip.

"Ugh you guys are so domestic. It's gross."

Spike rolled his eyes. "Maybe if you tried it, you wouldn't be so angry all the time."

Garble sputtered. "I'm not angry, I'm annoyed."

"Sure you are."

"Shuddup."

"Make me."

Discord let out a long-suffering sigh and a magical aura surrounded Garble. "Both of you shut up." With that, he plopped the red dragon next to Spike, and proceeded to curl himself around them. Garble squawked indignantly, and immediately began squirming, whilst Spike made a contented noise and snuggled even more into Discord's fur. They were an unusual sight, to say the least.

"Let go of me old-timer!" squealed Garble, raking his claws at the hide of his prison. Discord made a non-commital grunt in the back of his throat.

"My hide is immune to most harm. All you're really doing is giving my back a nice scratch. Which I certainly appreciate."

Garble let out a frustrated sigh and slumped. Spike just giggled.

"Just take a nap or somethin'. Discord's soooo warm. You'll be asleep in seconds!"

"Mmm..."

"..."  
"..."

"Wow, is he already asleep? Amazing."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just noticed how much I use the word 'longsuffering', and I'm shook XD
> 
> The only reason I even know it is because I was raised Christian and we had to memorize Ephesians 4:32 in Bible Study.
> 
> Also, This is actually like, chapter 8 on Wattpad, but the chapters before it are smut (or at least pre-smut) and I'm admittedly more hesitant to actually put them in the story on here than I was before. My smut is pretty amatuerish, and I have a lot of room for improvement. If you actually want to see those chapters, I can upload them, but only if they're actually wanted. If not I'll just leave 'em on Wattpad.


	5. Icing War (Prompted Drabble)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rating: T  
> Pairing: Spike and Discord
> 
> Prompt: Discord and Spike are baking a cake, but eventually, it devolves into an icing war.

 

"The cake's aaaaaalmost ready!"

Pinkie glanced at her watch, her eyes bugging out. "EEK! I'm late!" She whipped around to see Spike behind her.

"Uh...hey Pinkie."

"SPIKE! Great timing!" Pinkie shoved applicators full of whipped lavender, white, and peach colored icing into the greenette's hands. "Listen I gotta make a run, but I'll be RIGHT back. I need you to ice the cake, just like how I showed you a few months ago! Here's the design outline on this slip of paper. Okay?! Alright? Okay!"

Spike stared down at the applicators and cake design sheet, confusion etched into his features. "Wait Pinkie I'm confused what am I supposed to-" He went to look up, but the pinkette had already vanished in a puff of smoke. Spike sighed.

///////

"...so she just, left. With hardly an explanation?" Discord said slowly, picking up the white icing applicator and inspecting it.

"Ya huh. I mean, I know what she wants me to do, but gods, she could have given me some warning." The younger man remarked, carefully applying a dollop of lavender icing to the center of the small vanilla cake. "Geez, I'm almost done and there's still so much icing le-EEEK!" Spike squealed as a blast of vanilla whipped icing hit him right in the cheek.

He shifted his emerald green eyes and sent a death glare his boyfriend's way. Discord had the decency to look sheepish, but that look faded into an amused smirk.

"You know, I haven't seen your face look like that since last night." The man purred.

Spike blushed a deep scarlet and narrowed his eyes. He grabbed the lavender applicator and squirted it at Discord, who shrieked in horror as it landed directly on his suit jacket. He glared at Spike. "I hope you realize that this means **_war_** , little _boy_."

"Bring it old man."

/////

By the time they had finished the ' battle ', various colored streaks of icing coated many surfaces, including Spike and Discord.

"Are you ready to give up now, love?" purred Discord, clutching a half full icing applicator in in hand, streaks of lavender icing wiped onto his cheeks like war paint.

"Not even in your wildest dream, **_Dick_** cord. " the greenette snapped back, before squeezing the applicator in his grasp with both hands, sending the sticky, sugary substance rocketing towards the older man. Discord vanishing in a flash, and Spike snarled.

"Hey, no teleporting you ass! Get back here and accept your demise with guts!"

" _You first_."

Spike yelped as he was shoved forward, however, he recovered quickly, his reflexes kicking in as his arm shot out to grip the hem of Discord's dress shirt (his jacket had vanished near the beginning of their battle). Both men let out equally girlish shrieks, before they both hit the sugar frosted floor in a tangle of limbs. There was a momentary pause before both of them started giggling.

"...you cheap sonnuva bitch..." Spike said, lightly slapping Discord's face with his hand, leaving a white silhouette of it.

"I didn't think you'd be clever enough to take me down with you." Discord remarked, running a sticky hand through the younger man's hair. Spike made an annoyed noise.

"Yeah, you tend to underestimate me. And get your hand outta my hair. I already know I'm gonna have to wash it later."

"Yes, so it shouldn't bother you."

Spike snorted before planting a sweet (no pun intended) kiss on the older man's lips. "You're a doofus."

"That's why you fell in love with me, right?"

"Maybe."

"..."

"..."

"We should clean all this up..."

"Mmyes, probably."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pinkie returned to them both making out on the floor, covered in icing. Spike was never asked to help around Sugarcube Corner again. Resto in Pesto.
> 
> I got the prompt for this chapter from a otp prompt maker. But I'm more than welcoming chapter ideas from you guys. If anyone is reading this junk anyways. ( /)>\\\\\3\\\\\<)(\


	6. A Roll in The Sack (Prompted Drabble)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rating: Explicit  
> Pairing: Discord and Garble  
> Warnings: Explicit Sexual content, Swearing, Biting, Rough Sex, Power Bottom Garble, Very mild dub-con  
> Words: 1317  
> Prompt: Discord and Garble rolling around in bed  
> ; )

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wew so Im posting sum smut
> 
> hoo boy. Smoot™  
> (kill me)  
> If you wanna skip please do by all means

Both Discord and Garble let out a groan as Discord sank his cock deep into the younger man.

"Oh gods...so t-"

"I swear to fuck, if you say I'm 'so tight', I will tighten up so hard I'll snap your fucking cock off." Garble snarled, clenching his muscles to emphasize his threat. Discord sucked in a breath and managed a shaky grin.

"No need to get testy, princess." Discord breathed out, his hands kneading at the ginger's hips.

"Shut the fuck up. And _shit_ , did you get bigger since the last time we did this or something? Its a snugger fit than usual." Garble groaned. The older man's cock was brushing against _everything._ Every flutter his abdominals made drove him crazy with desire.

"The better to pound you with, my dear." Discord purred.

Garble sent a death glare down to the other man. "Do you _ever_ think before you open your fucking mouth?"

Discord raised an eyebrow. "Do you?"

"...Tooshee."

Discord laughed. "It's pronounced 'Too-SHAY'."

Garble raked his sharp nails across the olive colored skin of the chest below him. Discord let out a hiss. "Stop being a smartass and fuck me already." He growled, rolling his hips. A moan escaped Discord's lips at the pleasant feeling of the teen's inner walls pulling at his cock.

He narrowed his eyes at the ginger. "As you wish..." With that, he lifted the man upwards by the hips, before bringing Garble slamming back down with a resounding 'CLAP'.

Garble screeched, his nails digging into the older man's chest. Discord pulled back, only to arch his pelvis upwards, ramming himself as deep as possible inside of the teen's hot passage. As he began to pick up the pace, the lewd sound of skin slapping against skin began to echo throughout the room. Garble trembled, as every rough thrust stroked his prostate, driving him completely bonkers. "FUCK! OH GODS, DON'T YOU DARE STOP!" he screamed.

Discord stopped.

Garble's red eyes flicked downwards to the other man's, an almost disgusted look on his blushing face. "What the shit. I said **_don't_** stop, you cunt." He snarled. Discord rolled his eyes, before rolling himself, and Garble by extension, over. He then continued his thrusting, a twisted grin on his face, as this allowed him better control over the younger man. Garble was about to protest, but a particularly rough stroke against his prostate caused his words to die in his throat. "F-fuuuu..."

"Sorry, but this whole 'I'm no bottom bitch' routine where you act like you're in control just because you are riding me, is beginning to annoy me." Discord's hand latched onto the man's mohawk, yanking hard enough to pull Garble's head back at a near 90° angle. He lowered himself slightly until his lips were close to the teen's ear.

 _"I'm the top in this little arrangement of ours, whether you like it or not."_ He murmured.

Garble shuddered. He'd _never_ admit it, but hearing the older man like this, so animalistic and hoarse, voice throaty with lust and a desire to dominate, made his dick harder than he could actually describe.

"So _**relax**_..." he punctuated this command with a particularly hard thrust that sent Garble's eyes rolling back. "...and lay on your **back,** where you godsdamned _belong._ "

"Y-you s-son of a bi-IIIAAUGH!" Garble yelled as Discord nipped at his earlobe, before dragging his tongue around the shell of his outer ear. "G-Get the f-fuck offa m-me!" Garble dug his nails into the man's back. It didn't _hurt_ , and he _wanted_ a good fuck.

But like this? On his back like some female? He couldn't. He was an alpha male.

He wasn't _supposed_ to get fucked like this...

"M'lady doth protest too much." Discord taunted against the ginger's neck, before sinking a few teeth into the skin along his collarbone. Garble gasped and cried out. A thin sheen of sweat made it difficult to hold onto Discord's back, and his hands scrabbled to stay on.

"M'not-AUGH! A l-l-lady..." Garble panted, as his cock began to swell and ache with need.

Discord chuckled. "True...mhn...you aren't. Not even close."

"Y-you okay wit that?" Garble asked, suddenly curious.

"Ugh...more than okay..." he moaned, sucking harder on the teen's collarbone.

"O-oh...that's...n-nice." Garble whispered, blushing.

Discord chuckled again, slowing down slightly. Before he could stop himself, a needy whine slipped past the younger man's lips. Discord just smirked.

"Gods, I've _dreamed_ of this moment. Fucking all the pride and stubbornness out of this little body of yours. Watching you come undone, boneless and wanting, _desperate_ for my touch. See heat rise to your cheeks and listen you pant and moan for me, like a bitch in heat, begging for a cock to sate him." Discord planted a sloppy, heated kiss upon the ginger's lips, slowly working his way back up to a more intense pace. He pulled away and grinned.

Discord shifted backwards to a kneeling position, which caused his shaft to slide in slighty deeper. Garble _howled_. "Toying with one's mind can be...enjoyable. But doing what I'm doing to you? Now? ....Cathartic."

"C-cool it with the philosophical shit, man..." Garble groaned, rolling his eyes. Discord was so godsdamned dramatic when the situation didn't call for it.

Garble felt...mixed feelings. Part of him wanted to punch Discord right in his smug prick face for even _insinuating_ that Garble was his breeding bitch or something. Another part just wanted Discord to flip him onto his stomach and pound the everloving fuck out of him until Garble came all over the bedsheets. And yet another part was getting off on how _**sexy**_ being talked to like this was.

"Gods, you are so _adorable_ like this. All blushy and quiet. Mhnn...I wonder if I can make you cum untouched..."

"Ugghh...sh-shut uuuppp..." groaned Garble, struggling to force his words out beyond his ragged gasps of breath.

"Why? Clearly being talked down to gets you hard, or you would have punched me by now."

 _'Fuck_ _, he knows...'_

"Urgh...I'm, uh...mm, close..." the teen panted out.

"Is that so....?" Discord whispered. Garble moaned and squeezed his eyes shut. This was _so_ humiliating.

And arousing.

"Puh...Please...M-More..." Garble whimpered, feeling his dignity slowly die as the words slipped past his lips.

Discord raised an eyebrow, genuinely surprised. "'Please'? That's new." He smirked and took a faster pace. "Since you asked so _nicely..."_

"Mmm...A-AhhhHAA...don't...ssstop..." Garble moaned, eyes glazed over. It felt so good...

"Gods, if only you were like this more often..."

"Cu...hm...ing..." Garble let out a strangled sob as he came, white splattering across his chest.

"Mm...fffuck..." Discord groaned, locking lips with the teen as he climaxed as well. Garble groaned. He would never get used to that feeling.

Discord let out a sated sigh as he unceremoniously flopped on top of the smaller man, goofy grin on his face. Garble squawked indignantly. "What the hell? Get your big ass offa me!" Garble snapped, pushing at the older man's chest.

"Can't. Gravity is increasing on me~" he replied. He wrapped his arms around the younger man, grinning. Garble snorted.

"You might just be more of a dweeb than Spike."

"Mm...speaking of Spike, I can't wait to tell him how you legitimately bottomed for once~"

"..."

"Also you're tight."

The sound of a fist meeting an arm rang out in the stuffy room.

"That didn't hurt."

"Pull out of me right this fucking second. You're sleeping on the fucking couch tonight."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While I was busy pasting and editing this chapter, I was listening to my Two Steps From Hell playlist and BlackHeart came up? Honestly, it really relaxed me and got me in the mood to post this chapter. Hehe.
> 
> This is actually one of the only full smuts I have ever had the guts to post, so as you can guess, I'm over here shitting myself with anxiety on how well this will be received.
> 
> Don't hesitate to comment and review. I know my writing isn't perfect, and that's exactly why I'm uploading this book. To get feedback and constructive criticism. Nobody makes a masterpiece on the first time, or even the 4th and 5th.
> 
> Even so, thanks for reading beauties! Keep calm and bara on ;√}


	7. Do He Got The Booty? (He Do)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Spike is super thicc and has a very phat ass.  
> Word count: 600

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I headcanon human Spike as very curvy and thicc. I mean, as thicc as a young man can be? And I headcanon him having the nicest, jiggyliest, roundest booty. End me. I mean when he isnt doing stuff for Twilight or playing Owls and Oubliettes, he's eating. unless he has an unreasonably fast metabolism, he's bound to be a bit chubby.
> 
> So basically this whole chapter is just Spike with his goofball boyfriends who keep obsessing over his rump.
> 
> I need to get off the internet really badly I s2g

Spike laid spread out on a plush magenta futon in the Castle library, reading a book about the origin of music in Equestria. He hummed softly to himself as he flipped to the section about jazz. He was dressed in an oversized t-shirt and his boxers. Twilight was in Canterlot and Starlight wouldn't be back until later in the evening, so the only ones in the Castle were him and Garble. Or so he assumed.

"Yo dweebenheimer, whatcha do... _woah."_

Spike perked up and turned his head to look at his boyfriend. Garble's ginger hair was messy and straggly. He wore sweatpants and a tight fitting red muscle shirt that showed off his...well...muscles. Spike felt his face heat up.

"Uh...you okay Garbs?"

"You aren't...wearing any pants."

Spike cocked his head. "Yeah?"

"Why?"

"Why...not?" Spike blushed at the older man's awed expression. "I j-just didn't see a reason to get dressed up if no one but us is he-EE!" Spike shrieked as Garble lunged at him and grabbed his ass. "W-what the heck are y-you- gAH!!" The man let out an embarrassed cry as Garble grabbed his ass cheeks in his hands and buried his face in his clothed bottom, moaning as he did so. "Garble, what the hell!?

"Mmmm....fuuuuuuuuccckk...it's like a fucking beanbag chair. I feel like it's fucking sucking me iiinnnn~"

"W-What?" The greenette asked, blushing at his boyfriend's odd behavior.

"Babe. Your _ass._ Your ass is _**perfec**_ ** _t_**."

Spike blushed even harder, if that was possible. "Y-you're exaggerat-"

"Are we praising Spike's ass? I'm always up for that you know." Discord said, materialising next to the pair of younger men. He was dressed far more casually than usual, with a simple brown turtleneck and black slacks.

"N-not y-you t-too!" The boy stammered, his book long forgotten. Discord just chuckled and ruffled the boy's hair, before reaching his hand out to cup one of the greenette's plump cheeks himself.

"Mm. Delicious. So big and smooshy~" he cooed, giving it a harsh squeeze.

"Damn, even with your big ass hands, it's _still_ squeezing itself outta your grip." Garble groaned, utterly enraptured. "So much ass on such a small kid. It's probably not natural...but hey, I ain't complaining." he purred, rubbing his face into the chubby buttcheek underneath him.

Spike's face was totally scarlet. "Are you guys serious!? I'm trying to read!" He snapped, obviously annoyed. "And 'm not a kid..." he added quietly.

"Oh relax love. You have an _amazing_ derrière. Why shouldn't we worship it?"

"B-because its weird, maybe!?"

"Oi. Praising a gorgeous ass ain't NOTHING to be ashamed of."

"Agreed. A godlike butt such as yours should be rewarded..."

Spike glanced back at them both. He took note of their perverted expressions and immediately understood.

"Oh no. No no no no. I am READING. This is my freaking day off. No sex, no work! I wanna enjoy my day in peace, without being unable to walk, thank you very much."

There was a pause.

"Couldn't we just like...eat you out or something?" Garble whined.

"No."

"But how could you flaunt an ass like that in front of us and not want to have sex! That's just cruel!" Discord groaned.

"I don't care."

"You don't even gotta do anything, babe! Come oooonnn!" Garble begged.

"Go away you two." Spike deadpanned, before turning back into his book.

Both men groaned and complied.

"Finally..." Spike said, rolling his eyes.

Discord gave his ass another rough squeeze, chuckling as he did so.

Spike squealed and immediately chucked his book at the now absent man, cheeks aflame.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well this was weird, gbye


	8. Just According To Keikaku (Drabble)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pairing: Spike/Garble, Discord/Spike  
> Words: 440  
> Tags: Ruined food, bad end, Manipulative Discord, Pawn Garble, Spike just wants to eat his frikin breakfast.
> 
> An April fool's joke does not go as planned. Modern, Real World AU.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was half dead and 2 days into a #NoSleep challenge when I thought of this so be gentle pls.

"Yo, pass me the salt." Spike said, before bringing a forkfull of pancakes up to his lips. "These turkey sausages are totally fucking tasteless. Remind me to never buy them again."

"Yeah sure babe." Garble confirmed, picking up the salt shaker and handing it to the smaller boy.

"Thanks Garbs." Spike tipped the salt shaker over the sausage links...and watched in horror as the top fell off and the entire content of the shaker buried his links and a portion of his flapjacks.

Garble burst out into snorty giggles, slamming his fist on the table as tears gathered in the corners of his eyes.

"H-H-HOLY F-FUCKIN' SHIT! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT WORKED! I'M F-FUCKIN' WEAK!"

"Garble!? What the fuck!?" Spike yelped, jumping up out of his seat and glaring daggers at his boyfriend.

"It's April Fool's Day, babe! You didn't think I was gonna let you off easily just because I love ya, right!?"

Spike's eyes widened, before narrowing again. Garble gulped. "Um...heheh...th-this is the part where we laugh about it together...and stuff..."

Spike glowered at him harder.

"C'mon babe, it was just a prank!"

"You. Ruined. My. Pancakes. And you think that's funny!?" the boy raged.

"...yes?" Garble replied in a small voice, staring down at his lap.

Spike smiled coldly. "Well how's this for a prank: No sex for a week."

"What!? You can't do that, that's so fucking unfair! Discord pranks you all the time and he still gets to fuck you!"

"At least Discord is wise enough to know not to mess with my frikin' food! Enjoy using your hand for the next seven days, bitch." The greenette sneered before walking upstairs. 

"Nice going, smart one." Discord called from the living room as he adjusted his reading glasses, and flipped another page of the paperback he was reading.

Garble snarled and got up to walk over to the older man. "What the fuck!? You said that would be hilarious!"

"Oh, it was. To me. Because now I get Spike _all to myself_." Discord taunted, smirking.

Garble's mouth dropped open. "You...sneaky...cheating... _ **bastard**_."

"Oh _indeed_. Enjoy your next week, Garble~"

"Fuck. Yourself." Garble snarled through ground teeth.

"Now why would I do that when I have Spike?" He retorted, closing his book and standing up. "Well, if you'll excuse me, I have to comfort my dear Spike, who is no doubt traumatized by what you did to his poor breakfast..." He placed a hand over his heart in mock sympathy.

"You'll fuckin' pay for this old man."

"Doubtful. I'm a sneaky, cheating bastard, remember?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Author's note: Keikaku means plan)
> 
> (And yes, Discord was reading Death Note.)


	9. Headcanon Vomit #1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Its literally just shit sleeping headcanons

Sleeping patterns and waking/sleeping behavior:

Spike is a midways riser. He sleeps enough to get a full 8-10 hours of sleep, but you'll never catch him still in bed past 11 in the morning. He does tend to take naps occasionally though. He's unusally chipper after waking up (much to Garble's frustration). However, being woken up ahead of schedule will really tick him off. He is also a midway sleeper. It takes a bit to rouse him, but he won't be able to sleep through  a lot of loud noise. His default sleeping position is curled up like a cat, swaddled in quilts. His snoring is incredibly quiet. Like, y'know the noise that dogs make when they've just fallen asleep and they're like, dreaming? That's what Spike sounds like when sleeping. Discord thinks its fucking adorable. His favorite place to sleep is either his bed in Twilight's Castle, or on Discord's stupidly comfy futon.

Garble is literally every average high school student on weekends, only ALL THE FUCKING TIME. He sleeps until at least noon, unless he has something to do, and even then, the earliest he'll get up is like 10 a.m. And he loves to sunbathe and falls asleep outside all the time. He is literally the devil himself when awaking from slumber. He groans, he moans, he curses the sun, and air, and all living things that walk the planet. And woe to the unlucky soul that tries to wake the little fucker up before he's ready. He actually socked Discord right in the cheek for bumping the bed while he was napping. I mean it didn't do anything to Discord but still. Garble is a heavy sleeper. Like, legit, a bomb or like, powerful spell could go off like not even a few feet away and he'd roll over and mumble a bit. But for some reason, quiet noises or touching him will wake him RIGHT the fuck up. As Discord learned. He SNORES. LOUDLY. Its so bad that Discord casts silencing spells on him whenever they all sleep together. He also drools. He's the friend that you make take the pull out couch downstairs when he comes to a sleepover. His favored sleeping position is either hogging the entire fucking bed, on his back, or on his stomach. He hogs all the blankets because he's a dick. He likes sleeping on the floor, weirdly enough. But he doesn't mind sleeping in the bed at all. 

Discord is an enigma of sleep patterns. Somedays, he will sleep all morning and be totally active by evening. Other times he'll wake up in the morning like a normal dude. But he does that weirdly too. Sometimes he gets up at the buttcrack of dawn, fully dressed and fresh to death, beaming like Celestia's sun, a nice breakfast layed out for Garble and Spike (which Garble never eats because he has no idea where Discord gets it from). Other times he shuffles into the kitchen around 10, wearing a slightly open pink bathrobe and pink bunny slippers, barely coherent and only able to communicate in unintelligible grunts, his hair out and wild like he just got shagged before coming downstairs (which isn't an impossibility), groping desperately for the coffee maker and having to pick up and unshatter his coffee cup nearly five times. Discord is an IMPOSSIBLY light sleeper. A fucking pen dropping halfway across the room will have him wide awake. In order to sleep, he has to cast sleep spells on himself. Though honestly, sometimes Discord doesn't sleep at all. He just sort of lays in bed, contemplating all of existence and his purpose in it. Also staring at Spike's butt because why not. He never really snores. At all. His favorite sleeping position is random asf. Upside down, halfway hanging off of the bed, sideways, on his back, on his stomach, on top of Spike, on top of Garble. You name it. And his favorite place to sleep is...random. once, Garble caught him sleeping face down on the coffee table, marinating in a smol puddle of drool. He weird. ❤

 


	10. Buried Deep (Three-Shot Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Past Child Abuse, Molestation, Traumatic experiences, Comforting Discord, alternate character interpretation, pre-romantic relationship
> 
> Spike faces his demons, both physical and mental. Discord helps him along the way.

Spike felt his blood run ice cold.

 

"Can...can you repeat that, Twilight?"

"I said that Mom and Dad are coming to visit!"

 

"Oh...r-really?" Spike whimpered softly, clenching his fists firmly to his sides. 

"Yeah! What's wrong, aren't you excited? Its been 2 years since Cadence's wedding, I figured you would miss them."

Spike shook his head. "N-No, I am! I-I mean I do! It's just..." Spike clenched his eyes shut. They stung. He was close to crying.

 

_'I have to get out of here before Twilight sees.'_

"I-I gotta go get ready..." Spike mumbled before backing away from his guardian and running in the opposite direction. He ignored Twilight's call after him as he stumbled up the spiral staircase to the second floor and nearly broke his door shutting it.

Within the glow of pale violet light, Spike sank to the crystal floor. He hugged his knees and began to shake. 

Their parents.

_Twilight's parents._

He was hyperventilating now, his air intake became smaller and smaller.

 

"No...nononononononONONONONONONO." He nearly screamed. He was thankful that the crystal walls blocked sound so well. 

The last thing he needed was more of Twilight's psychoanalysis.

 

He wanted to scream. He wanted to cry. He wanted to crawl under a rock and vanish from the planet.

His eyes slid closed.

 

 

"Are you alright?"

 

Spike screamed loudly, flailing as his hand darted out for some sort of weapon to defend himself. His eye snapped open to look at his potential assailant, only to see Discord standing in front of him.

He placed a hand on his chest, trying desperately to still the frantic beating of his heart.

"Jeez. Are you alright, my boy?" Discord asked, raising an eyebrow at the frazzled teen.

 Spike let out a heavy, frustrated sigh. "Great, of all the people to see me have a fucking meltdown, it just _had_ to be you." he snarled, running a hand through his big mop of curly green hair.

"And what's so terrible about me? I thought we were friends?" Discord popped out of existence, only to reappear crouched next to the boy against the wall. He smirked and grasped the boy's shoulder, and Spike jumped. "Compatriots? Amigos?"

Spike fought the urge to slap the chaos spirit's hand away.

_'It's not him, it's not him, he's different, he's a friend, he wouldn't hurt you like him, hewon'thewon'tHEWON'T-'_

Despite the fact that his turmoil was purely internal, Discord felt the boy's nerves light up all at once. The cocky smirk fell from his face he and retracted his hand.

"I...I'm not good at this... _comfort,_ thing." he sighed, crossing his legs and resting his chin in his palm. "But I'm willing to give it a try."

"H-Huh?" Spike sniffed, rubbing his nose on the back of his hand.

"Tell me what's bothering you, kiddo." he coaxed.

Spike scoffed. "I'm 16, hardly a kid."

Discord chortled. "Hmm. Well, I suppose everyone is a child to me."

Spike huffed and stood to his feet, walking over to his bed. He flopped down on it, then let out a deep breath. Discord floated over to sit next to him, and cocked his head expectantly, waiting for him to air out his issues.

 

"My parents are coming over in about an hour."

 

Discord struggled to hold back laughter. "Is that really it? That's what has you so razzled?"

Spike glared at the other male, and Discord tried to regain his composure.

"I haven't written or seen my parents since Cadence's wedding..."

Discord snorted. "And...what? You think they'll be mad at you?"

Spike grabbed his knees and pushed back farther onto the bed. "Like I give a shit what they feel about that."

THAT got Discord's attention.

 "Surprised?" Spike chuckled, glancing off to the right. "Yeah, I hate them."

"Why?" Discord inquired.

"...Do you really wanna know?" Spike murmured.

"I wouldn't ask if I didn't, boy." Discord snarked, folding his arms.

Spike laughed humorlessly. "Alright. I guess I gotta start from the beginning."

"The day Twilight took me home...was magical. I was 5. And I had spent my life up until then at the Castle with her and Princess Celestia. I had never been outside the castle walls into the town. I was tended to and pampered and admittedly spoiled. But even then, it was all so...impersonal? Like nobody except Twilight and Celestia actually cared about me."

A small, mirthful smile graced his lips. "But Twilight's house felt like...like a home. Twilight Velvet spoiled me, Shining Armor treated me like his brother, and Night Light..."

His smile vanished and he found himself squeezing his legs tighter. Discord noticed immediately.

"What...what about him?" Discord questioned. 

Spike stared ahead, almost unconsciously. "He...loved me."

He turned to look at Discord, and Discord could see the pain in the boy's eyes.

_"He loved me so much it hurt."_

* * *

 

"Night Light showered me with love and affection. He showed me more love than Twilight or Shining. He gave me presents, and sweets, and took me to nice parks all over the city. Twilight didn't seem to mind or notice but I knew Shining Armor did. I think he felt neglected. Sometimes I'd catch him glaring at me, for just a split second, out of the corner of my eye. But he never took it out on me. He moved out to start training with the Royal Guard when I was 8, so I guess he didn't care all _that_ much."

Spike breathed in softly. "When I was 8, was when things started going south."

Discord felt a sinking feeling pooling in his gut. "How so?"

"I started noticing how...strange my father would act around me. When I was really little I never questioned it. But it started coming through."

Spike felt himself start to shake, and quickly willed himself to regain his composure. 

"Hugs that lasted a bit too long, hands on my thigh that sometimes strayed..." Spike felt tears beginning to well up and he cursed himself softly.

"Giving me kisses on the lips, wanting me to take showers with him..." he continued.

The sinking feeling in Discord's stomach became full blown nausea. He felt he knew where this tale was going...

"I...I knew it felt weird and wrong, but I thought it was just something dads...did? I didn't know what it was. I didn't think it was wrong. I didn't know any better."

Spike let out a shaky breath and quivered, struggling to hold back tears. "But that changed when I was 10."

Discord felt himself getting queasier by the second. This had to be a practical joke of some description, there was just no way...

"It happened on Hearth's Warming Eve...I had just put on my pajamas, and was getting ready to fall asleep, when he came into my room. It was...late. A bit before midnight. He woke me up, and he said he had a...a present for me."

A whimper left his throat and he felt like he might throw up. "And of course, I was excited. I was ten, after all." 

"H-he...he kissed me and p-pushed me down on the bed...and he unbuttoned my pajama top and pulled off my pajama bottoms, and he said it might h-hurt at first, but that l-later it would feel _so_ good and I would...I would love it."

Tears slipped down his cheeks and he let out a choked sob. "I...I told him no! I said I didn't like it! I told him it hurt! B-But... _ **he kept going**_! He said I was asking for it, but what did I do!? I didn't DO anything!"

The boy held his head in his hands as tears began to pour forth, and his whimpers devolved into heartbreaking wails as his whole body was wracked with pain and grief.

 

Discord watched the display, unable to form a cohesive response to what he had heard. He couldn't think of anything to say.

 

So he did what he could, and wrapped his arms around the boy. Spike jumped.

He held the boy for a few moments, before shakily whispering,  _"I'm s-sorry...I'm so sorry..."_

That opened the floodgates for the green-haired young man. 

Spike visibly sagged, and proceeded to sob loudly into the breast of the older man, his fingers clutching at the lapels of his suit jacket, shuddering from the exertion of his grief. Discord just cradled him closer, cooing and shushing him and doing anything he could think of to calm the boy down. 

"H-h-he did it to m-me almost every w-week! And when he couldn't, he'd t-touch me and...s-troke m-me and f-fucking feel me up every chance he got! I hated it, I t-told him I did, but he didn't c-care! He hurt me so much, and Twilight never found out! She never noticed, she never noticed at all! He was hurting me while she s-slept like a b-baby in the next r-room!" 

"And Velvet KNEW. She...she knew! She hated me after that night, because he spent more time in bed with m-me than with her! She would HIT me, and call me a w-whore, and said it was all my fault that he didn't TOUCH her anymore!"

He whimpered softly and dug his face more into the older man's chest. "Didn't she know? I didn't _w-want to. I didn't LIKE it..."_

They both sat silently for a minute or two, Spike's breathing gradually smoothing out.

"Princess Celestia sending us here was the happiest day of my life. Nothing that happened afterwards: Nightmare Moon, You, The Crystal Empire, Chrysalis, hell even Tirek."

"None of it scared me as much as seeing him at Cadence's wedding. None of it repulsed me as much as having to be near him, and talk with them, and pretend like he wasn't a fucking monster and she wasn't the same for letting it happen." He glowered.

"The happiest part of that wedding for me WAS the invasion, because I wouldn't have to be near the monster that broke me when I was just a kid."

"Spike, I..."

 

"Don't...Don't." Spike held a finger to the older man's lips. "Don't talk...please. You said you wanted to comfort me, so just...just hold me a bit more...please..."

 Discord stared down at the boy, before nodding and hugging the greenette all the tighter, rocking him softly as the candle on the wall burned lower and lower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yikes. I've had this idea floating in my head for ages and I regret it all.


	11. Tag-Team (Drabble)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rating: M  
> Pairing: Discord/Spike/Garble  
> Warnings: Sexual content, swearing, first time dp, marking/love bites, rough sex, Top!Discord, Power Bottom!Garble, Bottom!Spike  
> Words: 535
> 
> Spike's first time getting DP'd. Discord and Garble have casual conversation while Spike is sorta losin it in the background. Jerks.
> 
>  
> 
> Mostly dialouge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy another smut chapter.
> 
> Yay????

Panting, whimpers, and moans filled the air.

"A-ahn~" 

"F-fuck...you're tight as hell, _Spikey-Wikey~_ " 

"Nh...agreed..."

"Ahn...I...I didn't think it would f-feel like this...Oh!"

"We ain't hurtin' you, are we baby?"

"N-no, I'm fine."

"Oh, good."

 

"AH! Garble, what the heck!?"

"What? Gotta mark my territory. Show this asshole who all of this REALLY belongs to."

"Oh? And who would that be~"

 

A small shriek. 

 

"D-Discord...it's...ahn...it's d-deep~

"Just him? What, you sayin I ain't deep enough yet Spikey?"

 

Another shriek, slightly louder. 

 

"N-NOOooooo...mm...s-so good..." 

"That's what I thought."

"If you're done being an arrogant little shit, shall we, ehem, continue~?"

"Heh heh, yeah, all right."

 

"W-wait, are you both g-gonna do it at once!? Hold on-"

 

"Hmph!""

Nnh..."

 

**"Y-yaAH! Oh sweet merciful Celestia!"**

 

The sound of skin against skin; a primal sound, as knowable to the ear as the chirp of a bird or howl of a wolf.

 

"Che...your namby pamby princess can't help you here."

"Afraid...mh...he's right, love."

"Ahaaaa~....uhn...f-um...uh...aaahn..."

"Those're some pretty noises you're makin' baby. Make me wanna give you a little..."

 

"A-AH!"

 

"Again with the biting. So territorial. He belongs to both of us, you know."

"Heh, sure. But I'm the ultimate alpha male. I've got like...ugh...a birthright."

"Yet I fucked you senseless a few nights ago...nnh~"

 

_"Oh goodness, oh gods, oh jeez..."_

 

"Tch. Only cuz I was on toppa ya. I ain't no bottom bitch. Right Spikey?" A particularily loud slap echoed out.

 

**"F-FUCK!"**

 

"See old man? Spike gets it."

"We'll...mm...see, after Spike no doubt passes out while we're both still horny."

"Heh, you're gonna be screamin' my name, old-timer."

"Keep telling yourself that..."

 

"Oh s-shit, I'm close...G-Garble...Discord...please..."

"I got it, love."

 

A shrill cry.

 

"Mmn, so needy~. You wanna cum, dontcha Spikey?"

"P-Please...please..."

"Ah, really? You want to cum _that_ badly?"

"Y-yes- oH **FUCK** , Discord _please_...."

 

"Jee, I dunno Discord. Should we let Spikey cum? He _has_ been a good boy."

 

"Hmm...Fine, I suppose we can give him and his cute little cock a bit of a reprieve. "

 

"Pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleeeassse...y-YES...AH! AHN~"

 

"F-Fuck...t-tight...I'm c-cummin'!" Several seconds later a groan sounded out, followed by a heated moan.

"Damn...I think I'm...sh-shit..." a bellow left one of the men's throats, and again, a moan met it in reply.

 

At first, near silence. Nothing but the sound of panting and the haze of post-climax afterglow.

 

Finally, a few minutes later, a voice broke the silence.

 

"Hu...Wow."

"Amazing, wasn't it?"

"Mmmmnnh..."

"Heheheh...we fucked you silly, huh kid?"

"Mmmmhhnn..."

 

"...Is he asleep?"

 

Shuffling.

"...yep."

"Huh."

 

Garble grinned, pulling out and gently rolling Spike off of him. He then fixed the glowing, yellow and red stare above him with a smug look.

"Well old man? Get on your fuckin' back. I can go another round."

 

Discord raised an eyebrow and smirked. 

"Whatever you say, 'ultimate alpha male~'"


	12. Garter Boy (Drabble)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spike is hiding a secret from his boyfriend. What happens when Discord finds out?

Spike sighed softly, as he laid out the outfit he had picked out: A pretty, pleated purple miniskirt, a long sleeved green and purple striped shirt, a purple t-shirt to be worn on top, green thigh high stockings, and a frilly purple garter belt.

He sighed. The outfit was great. Rarity had sewn up the garter belt for him herself. It was a custom fit, and measured to his exact waist, thigh, and hip size. But even so, he was nervous.

Spike loved wearing feminine clothing. It made him feel pretty and cute. Having been around women all his life, he found it easy to keep in touch with his feminine side. But at the same time, he knew the stigma around crossdressing. It was 'weird', and 'unnatural'. In fact, there were a lot of 'unnatural' things about Spike.

 

For one thing, he was dating another man.

For another, that man was Discord, spirit of chaos and disharmony.

  
He loved Discord. Discord was the first person he had ever dated. He was his first relationship, his first date, his first kiss, and, if Spike could help it, his first time.

  
Discord didn't know anything about his crossdressing, and Spike wasn't keen on letting him find out anytime soon. Discord might find it disgusting, or silly. He might laugh at him, or even worse, dump him. He couldn't take any chances. He wanted their relationship to work.

  
He sighed, scratching the back of his head. 'No point worrying right now...'

He shimmied off his pajama bottoms, and grabbed the stockings. He slipped one on, and then the other, then grabbed the garter belt. He slipped it on the frilly garment and adjusted the straps. Sighing happily at how comfortable the garter felt on him, Spike picked up his skirt, and slipped that on as well.

He turned to the floor length mirror to the right of him, and looked himself over. He looked...good. Cute. The skirt fit him beautifully, and the garters looked tasteful, even seductive.  
"W-Wow..." He murmured.

  
That's when everything went wrong.

Discord popped in.

  
"Oh Spike~! I've come to give you a-" Discord paused and stared at him.

  
Spike shrieked and nearly tripped and fell. "Di-D-Discord! I-I...it's n-not w-what it looks like!"

Discord just continued to stare, bemused. "You're...wearing a skirt. And...are those stocking garters?"

  
Spike was mortified. Discord knew. He knew. He saw Spike plain as day. He knew Spike's secret. He blushed deeply with embarrassment and shame. "I...I'm s-sorry..."

"Why?" Discord asked.

"For...for wearing girly clothes! I...I know its really gross and weird, b-but please don't leave me! I'll stop, I promise!" He hung his head and wrung his hands, tears starting to sting his eyes.

"Spike, it's fine. I don't mind whatsoever." Discord replied.

Spike's head snapped up. "W-What?'

"You didn't actually think I'd _leave_ you _just_ because you cross-dress? I'm a bit insulted that you think I'd be so judgmental. I'm a spirit of **chaos**. Chaos is uniqueness. Spontaneity. Chaos challenges the norm. It brings color, excitement, and randomness to an otherwise dull, bland, predictable world. No two person is alike, Spike. We all do something that nobody else does. Your crossdressing is a form of self-expression, correct?"

"Y-Yeah...?"

"Then it should be embraced!" Discord exclaimed.

"Don't be ashamed of what you like to do, Spike. As long as it doesn't hurt you, or anyone else, its perfectly fine. I don't care what you wear as long as you're comfortable and happy in it."

  
Spike felt like he was going to start sobbing out of sheer happiness. Discord didn't hate him! He didn't think he was weird, or gross!

  
"In fact," he purred. "That skirt looks rather fetching on you. And the stockings and garters? Extremely sexy."

"I...R-Really?" Spike blushed. Why was he being so silly about this in the first place? Of course Discord would accept him. The man loved him.

Discord chuckled and swept Spike off of his feet and up into his arms, cuddling him close to his chest.

"S-So...you don't mind me crossdressing? It doesn't make you uncomfortable?"

"Not in the slightest." Discord replied, kissing Spike's forehead.

Spike twiddled his thumbs. "Sooo...does this mean you wouldn't mind helping me pick out outfits and stuff?"

  
Discord smirked. "I'd be honored."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has always been a headcanon of mine. A lot of my Spike headcanons are about his low self-esteem/confidence issues and his feelings of isolation and alienation. Its why I ship Discord and him together. They're both similar, being so different from their friends, and yet seperate from their roots. 
> 
> I also like how Spike is in touch with his feminine side witihin the show itself, which helped me formulate a lot of ideas for how he has issues with masculinity.
> 
> Side note, I'm planning on adding pictures at the beginning of each chapter. Embedding pic links on this site is a bitch and a half. Its easier to draw the damn things than it is to upload them somewhere that this site can show them from. Ech.
> 
> Comment and review! Feedback saves lives! ^30


	13. Buried Deep (Three-Shot Part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dinner with the family.

"I still have to go down there." Spike murmured. Discord balked and let go of the boy, his expression of utter disbelief palpable.

"Um, no. No you do not. There is no situation in which you being anywhere near him is okay."

"Discord, if I don't come down Twilight will be upset, then she'll ask questions." His nails dug into his palms as he ground them on his pants legs. "I...I might slip up, might crack, say something and then-"

"Who CARES!? She should know!" Discord barked, throwing his hands up. "He raped you, Spike." The man whispered. "For years."

"And what do you think would happen if Twilight found out that her father molested me for 5 years and her mother covered it up and never told anyone? How her mother used to beat and neglect me because her husband warmed my bed nearly every night? Discord, it would shatter her. She'd blame herself, she'd HATE herself."

"So what, that's it!? You're just going to go down there and entertain that predator? Act like nothing is wrong!?"

Spike laughed bitterly. "I did it for 6 years. I think I can handle an hour or two." He got off the bed and walked towards his bathroom. "I need to wash up and get changed. Get out.'

Discord stared down at the purple quilt he was sitting on, his sharp nails digging into it. "Fine." He prepared to teleport, when he heard Spike mumble something.  
"And... _ **Thank you...**_ "

* * *

"Daddy! Mother!" Twilight cried enthusiastically, nearly flying over to hug her father.

"Twiley! Oh, you look so nice!" Twilight Velvet bubbled, shouldering her purse and spreading her arms wide to embrace her daughter.

"Eheh...really?" Twilight said sheepishly, staring down at her summer dress. "It was the nicest thing I could find that wasn't overdoing it. Anything nicer would have been my ball gowns, and you don't think it makes me look fat?"

"Honey, you look lovely no matter what you wear." Night Light smiled at his daughter, patting her on the shoulder. "Hey, where's Spike? I haven't seen the little guy since the wedding."

A barely perceptible frown appeared on Twilight Velvet's face before vanishing just as quickly as it had come. "Well, you know him. He was always such a shy boy."

"Oh, Spike? He uh...well, he's upstairs. Y'know, GETTING READY!?" Twilight none too subtly called to Spike, hoping the young man could hear her upstairs. She turned back to her parents and smiled another nervous smile.

"Ya don't have to yell Twilight, I'm here." Spike yelled from the 2nd floor banister.

"What? Yelling? I was-I wasn't yelling, c'mon Spike I wasn't...ahem. ANYWAY. Come say hi!"

Spike took a deep breath before vaulting over the banister. Night and Velvet gasped as the boy twisted and landed on his feet gracefully in front of their group, his sneakers makings a subtle *squeak* noise on the crystal floor. He stood upright and walked over to his parents.

Velvet's annoyed look vanished, but Spike had caught it. Twilight looked like she had swallowed a bug. And Night...

Spike felt his stomach coil. Well, let's just say his expression shouldn't have been graced with a description.

"Spike, I told you that's unsafe! I don't want you to hurt yourself!" Twilight chided.

"Sorry Twi. Just didn't feel like taking the stairs." Spike responded, scuffing the floor with the tip of his shoe.

"Oh leave him be honey. When I was his age I loved showin' off my athletic prowess a bit too." Night Light began walking towards him. Spike fought the intense urge to bolt as his own personal demon wrapped an arm around him and hugged him. "Hello my boy. How have you been?"

Spike fought the urge to vomit. Night Light was sniffing him.

"Fine, Father..." Spike replied shakily, fighting back his tears.

Night Light quirked an eyebrow and his hug became a bit tighter. "'Father?' Oh ho! Big, grown up Spikey too mature to call me 'Daddy', anymore?"

Spike felt his cheeks stain with shame. "N-No...I..."

* * *

_'D-Daddy, it...it hurts! Please take it out!'_

_'C'mon baby, I just bought this and it was very expensive. Least you can do is let Daddy see what it looks like getting squeezed by that perfect little hole.'_

* * *

"You can call me 'Daddy' still, sport. No shame in it!" Night chortled, clapping a hand on the boy's back.

Spike nodded weakly. "Right...y-yes. S-Sorry, D-Daddy." He felt bile well up in his throat.

Velvet chuckled, walking over to Spike. "Oooh, you've grown so big! So handsome!" She cooed, embracing him.

* * *

_*SLAP*_

  
_'How dare you steal him from me, you little tramp!'_

_'M-Momma, why are you hurting me? I...I don't understand!'_

* * *

"Um...Maybe we should go sit down?" Spike mumbled.

"Oh yeah!" Twilight piped up. "I brewed some coffee and tea, and the Princess gave me some really tasty scones to try!"

"That sounds simply divine!" Twilight Velvet enthused. "The train ride here was absolutely dreadful."

"That does sound good, doesn't it Spike?" Night asked, rubbing the younger man's shoulders. Spike shivered.

"Yes, indeed. That does sound absolutely wonderful."  
All four of them turned in shock to see Discord standing beside them, dressed in his usual extravagant attire. Spike bit back a shocked cry, as the memory of his soothing embrace leeched into his mind once more.

"Oh? And whom might this be?" Twilight Velvet queried.

"Discord, Master of Chaos and Spirit of Disharmony." he tipped his hat, a sneer on his lips. His gaze drifted to Spike's and he winked. "Charmed I'm sure."  
'You idiot...what are you planning?'

"Discord...how...nice? To see you here. Uninvited. With no prior notice." Twilight ground out.

"Nice to see you too Twilight. These are your...parents, correct?"

"Uhm, yeah. Listen, Discord, as happy as I am to see you, I was kind of planning on sitting down to tea with my parents ALONE, so-"

"Oh, but why shouldn't I sit with you all?" He wrapped an arm around Twilight and pulled her into his side, much to the young woman's chagrin. "We're thick as thieves, my dear! Joined at the hip!" His manic gaze shifted to Spike, and a sly grin crossed his features. "Besides, Spike invited me."

Spike's eyes widened and he fought the urge to throttle the chaos spirit. _'What in TARTARUS are you doing!?'_

"Oh? Are you two...close?" Night Light inquired suspiciously, his fingertips grinding into Spike's shoulder blades. Spike suppressed a whimper at the pressure. Was his...'father'...threatened by Discord's presence?

_'I mean, it's not exactly difficult to be threatened by Discord...'_

"W-We, um, we're friends-"

Discord chuckled. "I'd say we're a bit more than that..." he crooned, reaching forward to pinch the boy's cheek. Spike bit back another loud whine of pain as his father's hands clamped painfully onto his collarbones.

"Ah...is that so..." Night Light gritted, a fake smile plastered onto his face.

 

He couldn't take it anymore.

 

"I'll...go set the table!" Spike yelped, wrenching out of his father's hold and very nearly sprinting towards the kitchen and dining room area.

His adoptive father stared after him for a moment, before turning his gaze on Discord. "I'll ask this quite plainly my good fellow, are you dating my son?"

Discord straightened to his full height, dwarfing the other man. He sneered down at Night as if he were a roach or some other similarly disgusting insect that the man had squashed under his foot.

"Dating isn't exactly the right word for it. But we are quite close." He replied smoothly.

As much as he loathed this man who had harmed his friend so much, it was Spike's duty to out him as the monster he was.

He would play it safe and cordial. For now.

* * *

Spike leaned against the kitchen sink, panting as he sobbed out the anxiety that had attacked him over the last few minutes.

"I...I just... I need to get through the evening. T-That's it..." he panted, wiping furiously at his eyes. "They'll be gone soon...and everything will go back to normal."

"Spike? Spike, did you take the tea off?" Twilight called from the dining room.

Spike jumped, before taking notice of the screaming teapot on the stovetop. "U-Uh! I got it, Twilight!" he called back, making his way over to the stove to power down the lacrima heating it. He grabbed the teapot and sighed softly, taking a deep breath.

' _Okay Spike...relax...breathe...you're going to have to sit near them. They've hurt you, and it messed you up. But they can't hurt you anymore. You're practically an adult. You have friends who love you. Twilight loves you. You can be strong.'_

 

  
_'Just... **breathe**.'_

* * *

"Oh, Spike! There you are. I already set out the cups and scones!" Twilight beamed as she sat next to her mother. "Just go ahead and pour it for everyone, then come sit down."

"Okay..." Spike replied meekly, walking over to the table. He poured Twilight's first, then their mother's, then Discord's (who winked as the Earl Gray became chocolate milk when he picked up the teacup). He slowly made his way over to the last empty chair...which was next to Night Light.

Night Light leaned over and rested his head in his hand, with what could only be described as a sultry look in his eyes. Spike shifted uncomfortably as he poured the man's tea, his hands shaking and very nearly dropping the pot. Once he had finished, he set the pot down at the center of the table.

He paused, looking down at his shoes.

He could feel his anxiety skyrocket once more. The only chair left was next to Night Light.

"Well, sport? What are you waiting for? Sit down, have some scones!"

"Yes, do try them! They taste delicious!" Twilight Velvet purred, munching on one.

Spike swallowed thickly, before taking his seat. He grabbed a scone hesitantly, and nibbled it. It did taste pretty good, but it was a bit difficult to eat with the way he was feeling.

"So, Spike, how have you been?" Night Light asked. Spike shuddered a bit.

_'Why can't you just leave me alone...'_

  
"Fine..."  
"Done anything cool lately?"  
"No..."

"Found a date?"

Spike jumped in his seat as Night Light's foot went over to his own, stroking the boy's nude calf with his loafer.  
  
_'I...I can't do this. I need to run, I need to get out of here, I'm gonna be sick!'_

  
"I need to go to the bathroom!" Spike stood up suddenly, knocking over his chair and shocking everyone at the table.

"Are you alright Spike?" asked Twilight, concern evident in her tone.

"Yes, are you alright, son?" Night Light narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

Spike shook his head rapidly. "I feel...nauseous."

  
With that he turned tail and bolted.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really regret this series. ;-;


	14. Lucky (Drabble)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rating: T  
> Warnings: Implied sexual content
> 
> Cute domestic floof.

Spike whistled as he adjusted the heat on the burner underneath the pancakes, and turned over the eggs he was frying. Suddenly, he felt hands wrap around his midsection, and a weight settle on his back. He smiled and casted a glance behind him. “Well hello there, Mr. Discord. You seem rather friendly today.” He said with a coy lilt to his voice. “Something you needed? Breakfast isn't ready quite yet.”

  
Discord hummed. “Breakfast sounds good…but if that's not ready…” Spike let out a soft moan as teeth began to nibble his neck. _**“I suppose I could skip right to dessert…”**_

Spike bit his lip. “As much as I'd love to, ah, _indulge you_ , Screwball will be coming down any moment.” The trail of kisses and love bites had ceased. “So you _might_ want to take it down a notch with all that.”  
Discord groaned. “Ugh, Screwball is centuries old, she can handle a little PDA.” Spike turned off the stove and slid the eggs he was frying on a ceramic plate. He turned to face Discord and plopped a kiss to his cheek.

“Trust me, once she goes to school, you can ravish me to your heart’s content.” He purred. Discord swallowed thickly at Spike's seductive gaze. “But in the mean time, mind taking the eggs to the table?” Spike chirped, turning back around to flip the pancake he was cooking. Discord nodded mutely and levitated the plate to the table behind them. “And set the table?” Discord snapped his fingers and the table was furnished. “Thank you, baby.”

“You're…welcome…”

Spike smirked. Though Discord was usually the one to work his seductive charms on his husband, every once in a while, Spike would say or do something that sent a blush to Discord's cheeks.

Discord noticed the smirk and let out a scoff. “Don’t look so smug. You just caught me a little off guard.” Discord sipped his coffee. “And as for ravishing you, I'll gladly take that offer. Are you sure you’re prepared for it?”

Spike walked over to the table and leaned down in front of him. “You know I am, Dissy.”  
Discord’s confident smile faded. “Ugh, you just had to ruin the moment with that embarrassing nickname…”

Spike laughed, letting out a string of soft snorts as he did so. He covered his mouth and nose in shock, before bursting into another peal of laughter.

He looked over to Discord only to see him staring at Spike with a dreamy look in his eyes. “W-What? What are you looking at me like that for?”

“Oh nothing. Just thinking about how lucky I am to wake up to someone as beautiful as you every morning.”

Spike blushed deeply. “If anything, I'm the lucky one.” Discord chuckled, then leaned forward and captured his husband's lips in a loving kiss.

“SPIKE!? DADDY!? WHY DOES IT SMELL LIKE SOMETHING'S BURNING!?”

 

 


	15. Massage (Drabble)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rating: T  
> Warnings: Crude language, sexual allusions, Spike being a tease
> 
> Garble is good with his hands.

Spike sighed softly as Garble worked his knuckles into his shoulder blades. “Ungh, fffuuucck…”

“You are knotted the _fuck_ up, babe. What the hell have you been doing lately?”

Spike groaned. “Helping Twilight reorganize the library. Lifting up all those heavy books is murder on my spine.”

“Yeah, I can tell. So tight…”

Spike laughed salaciously. “Oh, I'm tight, huh?”

Garble blushed. “That's not…not what I-“

“AH!”

Garble jumped. “What, what!?”

“That spot right there…k-keep rubbing, d-don't stop…”

Garble swallowed thickly. “Alright…” He dug his fingertips into the middle of Spike's back. Spike let out a obscene moan, curling his toes and tossing his head back, disheveling his hair even more.

“ ** _Fuck_** , yes! Right there! Don't stop, _please_.” Spike cried out.

Garble's face was flushed fiery red, as he worked his hands expertly into his boyfriend's back. Spike wasn’t _trying_ to sound so…erotic. Was he?

Garble's hands ghosted over Spike's skin, causing shivers to run down his spine. Spike was currently only wearing his boxers and some knee socks, making this whole situation more than a little risqué. Garble took in a deep breath. “Uh…y’want me to get your calves too?” He asked his boyfriend.

“Mmohmygoodness, _please_.” Spike moaned.  
Garble pushed down the other boy's sock, applied a bit more oil to his hands, then grabbed Spike’s right calf. The moment his fingers dug into the soft, supple skin, Spike groaned and bucked his hips in pleasure. “Garble~!”

“Cripes, are you doing that on purpose!?” Garble yelled.

“W-What are you- AH-- t-talking about!?”

“All that…moaning you're doing!"

“M'sorry, it just feels sho good~…”

Garble groaned, but continued rubbing his calf, trying to get this over with as quickly as possible.

* * *

 

Meanwhile, in the hallway outside of the room, one Twilight Sparkle was crouched next to the doorway, blushing madly.


	16. Ancient Tongues (Drabble)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rating: M
> 
> Discord slips up during sex, and Spike discovers some new things about himself.

Spike let out a cry of pleasure, digging his fingers into Discord's shoulders. “Ahn! D-Don't…s-stop....Augh…”

“ _Uhn…S-Si Buauesofel…_ ”

Spike made a confused noise. “H-Huh? What're you sayin'?”

“ _Yie fuul si waurm aunk sojhs...si jiik...mw losslu lizu..._ ”

“D-Discord, you're makin' even less sense than usual…”

Discord paused his ministrations. “ _Whaus? Whaus'ru wie...huw, wauos, aum I sphuauronj Ancouns Eneussroaun? ...Shos, I aum! Giiknuss, wie mess lu cinfesuk! Oh kuaur, I caunnis suum si ruzurs laucr. Daumn._ ”

“I dunno what you just said but...whatever language that is, you sound kinda hot when you speak it…”

“ _His? Yie muaun...shonr shos launjeauju maurus mu sienk aussraucsozu?_ ” Discord asked, raising an eyebrow. Spike mewled and grounded against him. Discord let out a shuddering sigh.

“It don't really care how you talk, just please keep going…”

Discord stared at Spike for a moment before smirking. He slowly began to take pace again, arching his hips upward to meet Spike’s rump. Spike sighed in bliss, and Discord chuckled before leaning down and resting his chin in the crook of Spike's neck.

“ _Si, wie fonk shos launjeauju auriesonj, Spike? Dius mw onsinausoin aunk zurnaucelaur jus wie, his aunk lishuruk? Di wie loru shu sienk if mw ziocu on wier uaur, mw swuus? Dius shos phluausu wie, losslu kraujin?_ ” Discord purred, his seductive lilt flowing into Spike's ear like honey. Spike whimpered and gasped.

“Oh gods, that's so freakin' hot…”

Discord nibbled his neck and let out a sigh against his soft, pale skin.

“ _Ah, Yie auru si jirjuies, mw swuus losslu kraujin. Si sifs aunk wus si...auh...folshw. Whi ulsu les au folshw losslu zolun wielk lu si auriesuk lw simushonj aus onniceies aus sphuuch? Yie korsw losslu shonj. Si nauejhsw...._ ” he breathed, sucking at the welt he left on Spike's collarbone. Spike writhed in pleasure, nearly tearing up.

“Oh my gods, don't stop, please! I'm…I’m so close!” Spike cried out.

" _Cemmonj? Si siin? Hiw fennw...I aum aus wull. Ah...wus, ji in mw kuaur. Cem fir mu. Lus mu suu shu ucssausw in wier faucu aus wie soph izur shu phrucophocu…_ ” Discord groaned and began to thrust harder, faster. Desperate to reach climax.

“F-Fuck, AH! I'm! I'm…a-AH!” Spike cried out as he came, milky white spattering across his chest.

“I'm...Mmm... _f-fecr_...” Discord sighed as he released, and Spike moaned softly.

The two laid there for a bit, panting as they bathed in the afterglow.

Finally, Spike spoke. “Wow…that was…nice.”

Discord chuckled, propping himself up on his elbows. “I agree. It's been a while since I was so overwhelmed that I reverted to Ancient Equestrian.”

“Ancient Equestrian? Is that what you were speakin'?”

“Yes. It’s a dead language. No one speaks it anymore. Well…no one that isn't as old as I am. I’m still so used to speaking it, even after all these millennia…sometimes I tend to revert to it.”

Spike giggled. "Well, I hope you 'revert to it' more often. You sound really sexy."

Discord snorted and glanced over at him. "Don't tell me you've developed a fetish for dead languages."

Spike yawned and stretched out, letting out a satisfied sigh. "Nah, I think its just how your voice sounds speaking it...and, hey, what were you saying anyways?”

“Hmm, what would be the fun in telling you when you could decipher all the delightfully dirty things I told you on your own? I'm sure Twilight has an Ancient Equestrain linguistics book or two in her library.”

Spike scoffed. “Fine, don't tell me then.” He snuggled into Discord’s chest and closed his eyes. “I’m goin' to sleep.”

“Wait, Spike, before you do…”

“Yeah?”

“ _I lizu wie._ ”

Spike grinned. “Heh, I'm going to guess that means ‘I love you'.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not going to translate the language in this particular drabble. At least not right now. I wanna leave a little mystery, ya know?. ^-^


	17. Choked Up (Mates AU Drabble)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rating: M  
> Warnings: Choking, Heat cycles, self-loathing
> 
> Garble is weak. So, so very weak.

Garble growled as he wrapped his hands around Discord's slender neck as he was pounded against the hard, rough, unforgiving surface of his cave’s wall.

Discord grinned devilishly. “Ooh, kinky! Unexpected but definitely not unwanted.” He breathed out.

“F-Fuck…y-you…” Garble snapped, clenching his fingers even tighter around Discord's neck. Discord just laughed, and loathing pooled in Garble's stomach. He wished he was strong enough to hurt him. He wished he was strong enough to break his neck. He wished he was strong enough to not love being fucked against his cave wall like a slut.

But he wasn’t.

He was weak.

Garble moaned as he felt a textured, creased hand wrap around his leaking cock. Garble moaned softly, and his vice grip tightened. He pulled Discord’s upper half even closer to him, until the two were practically nose to nose.

Discord leered at him. “Something you need, sweetling?”

Garble let out a guttural snarl. “B-Bastard… _bite me._ ”

Discord smirked, before complying, sinking his fangs into Garble's collarbone. Garble cried out in both pain and pleasure, and whimpered as Discord lapped at the rivulet of blood that had formed from the small wound. He sucked at the love bite, and Garble hissed at the pleasant sting.

Discord growled and fucked upwards into Garble's warm, tight heat. Garble's eyes slipped closed as he felt pleasure building.

“Shit…fuck…I’m close. Don't stop…” Garble moaned.

“Had no intentions of the sort…” Discord purred.

Garble mewled, his toes curling as his legs tightened around Discord's lean waist, and his hands tightened even harder onto the throat in his grasp.

A particularly rough stroke against his prostate sent a wave of ecstasy crashing down upon him, and then he was cumming, his hole twitching and tightening around the shaft inside him. Discord grunted, but continued thrusting, fucking Garble through his orgasm. Finally, with a satisfied sigh, he came as well, filling Garble with his seed.

Garble had finally released his neck, in favor of using his hands to find purchase against the rock wall. The two breathed and settled themselves. Garble felt a confused mixture of happiness and disgust at the warm, loving look on Discord’s face.

As if he loved him.

As if he cared about him.

As if he were looking at the most beautiful thing in the world.

Garble spat to the side of them. “What is this, a honeymoon? Fuck off, I don't need you anymore.” That was a lie. His heat was handled for tonight but it would come back stronger and more intensely tomorrow night.

Discord scoffed and pulled out, letting Garble slide to the rocky ground. Cum leaked out of him, and he glared up at Discord, agitated and hollow.

Discord was already fully dressed and mostly dapper, dusting off his lapel. “Just so we are absolutely clear, asshole, you were just helpin' me with my heat. Nothin' more or less. Don't think that ‘cuz you fucked me like a whore, it means yer above me or some shit. Me bein' a Receiver doesn’t make me weak, and I ain't nobodies bottom bitch.” Garble snapped.

Discord rolled his eyes. “You being a Receiver has little, if anything to do with your weakness.” He bent down and cupped Garble's chin. “You’re perfectly weak enough without some flimsy excuse. Because you don't want to accept who, and what, you are.” Garble snarled, and Discord shook his head. He relinquished his hold on Garble, and turned on his heels.

“I'm returning to Equestria. I refuse to satisfy the heat lust of a mate that can't admit that he's our mate. I have my pride you know. I'm not some confused little boy's fuck toy, and I refuse to be treated as such. When you're ready to accept this and be happy, Spike and I will be waiting. Until then, you can sit in here and stew. ”

Garble stared at Discord, his expression unreadable. Discord sighed and snapped his fingers, blinking away in a flash.

Garble stared at the place where he had just been, before looking down at the drying cum on his stomach. His expression morphed into one of disgust, then frustrated, then pained as he felt the sting of his mates’ absence once more.

Spike.

Discord.

Without them he felt hollow.

And he hated it.

“D-Damn it. F-Fuck…” Garble growled, tears beginning to gather in his eyes as he stared at the marking on his left hand. The mark of one who had been claimed by their mate.

 

He was weak.

So, so very weak.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, this is basically a Soulmates AU where Spike, Discord, and Garble are all soulmates. Unfortunately, Garble doesn't really take the whole 'being a bottom bitch' thing too well, and ends up rejecting Discord out of fear, and Spike by extension. But he ends up keeping a bit of contact with Spike, and every month, one of them goes to Garble's cave in the Dragon Lands to help him. Being so far away from your mate(s) for an extended period of time can be really emotionally debilitating, especially for a Receiver (which is a dragon thing where they are males capable of child bearing), but Garble refuses to accept what he is because of stubbornness/pride. Its been hurting them all, especially Discord, because he feels wholly responsible for driving Garble away. But he has his limits, and hates being rejected so many times by someone he feels compelled to love so much.
> 
> I hurt my babies so much ;w;


	18. Surprise Tirekord?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pairing: Tirek x Discord  
> Rating: M  
> Warnings: Non-con touching, unhealthy relationship, emotional manipulation, angst
> 
> Discord is a traitor. But even so, does he deserve this?

"So, is this everything you had pictured when you betrayed your so-called friends?" Tirek questioned, a smug smile on his lips.

 

Discord cast a weary, sad eyed look down to him. He wanted to be angry, disgusted even, but he simply couldn’t. The only person he could find himself being disgusted and angry with was the broken shade of a man that he could faintly see reflected back at him in the bubble.

He deserved this. Being trapped in a bubble where he couldn't hurt anyone else like he had hurt his friends.

 

Friends.

 

He felt his eyes sting with the beginnings of tears.

There was no way he could refer to them as that anymore. In all likelihood, they despised him.

He couldn’t blame them. At the moment, he despised himself as well.

"Come now Discord, where is that wit!? The spontaneity, the fire!? That incessant, meaningless chatter. You are so silent..."

"Leave me alone..." Discord said softly. He turned his head away to face the afternoon sun. Celestia's sun. He felt his stomach drop. Celestia was in Tartarus. Because of him. Because of what a fool he was. He swallowed thickly as guilt gnawed at him.

Tirek raised a thick eyebrow. "Alone? Why? Don't me tell you're upset. You should have seen this coming."

Discord said nothing. Maybe if he ignored Tirek, he'd go away.

"What did you think would happen, Discord? That I would never take the first chance to stab you in the back!?"

"No, actually. I...I didn't..." Discord replied, before he could stop himself. His cheeks felt hot with shame and embarrassment. What he had thought was perhaps...a bit more idealistic than even that.

Tirek noticed the blush. His smirk curled into a twisted, mirthful grin. "No, don't tell me...you thought...what we did actually _mattered_ to me!?"

Chills ran down his spine and he shifted to look Tirek directly in the eyes. The hurt, the anger, the despair. All of it was so palpable on his face. He felt his eyes water, and in his mind, he cursed himself.

Tirek laughed. It was deep, and rich, and mocking, and it made Discord feel so, so utterly ill.

"You DID! Gods above, how utterly _**amusing**_."

Discord stifled a cry of shock as his bubble came down until he was eye level with him. Tirek's expression was taunting and cruel.

"You thought I _loved_ you, is that it?" He cooed with mock tenderness, reaching a large hand through the bubble to stroke Discord's cheek. Discord flinched at the condescending warmth of the touch. He had no magic, not even reserves, and he felt as though his bones were made of glass and his muscles were jelly and his thoughts echoed painfully loudly in his brain. He couldn't fight off the touch even if he tried.

"Hmm? Did you picture this fantasy where we ruled this little world _together_?" Tirek's hand ghosted lower, brushing the disheveled grey hair away from Discord's neck, exposing his ear. "You and me as a happy little couple..." He leaned forward now, his breath hitting Discord's ear. Discord gasped softly. " **Making love, every single night..."**

"N-No!" Discord yelled, mustering every ounce of strength he had left to tear away from his grasp. "I...I only wanted a friend that let me be myself!"

The others had heard his outburst, and had turned to watch the altercation.

"D-Discord?" Fluttershy murmured, glassy eyes looking towards her friend. She felt so...tired.

 

"Don't lie to yourself!" Tirek shot back, having taken notice of their audience. "Don't deny how badly you wanted me!"

"S-Stop it... **shut** _**up**_."

"Why should I!? It's not like they don't know what a whore you are."

Discord's eyes widened.

"Whore..." he whispered, unintentionally saying it out loud.

"Mm, yes. A whore. A traitorous whore handing out his allegiance rather than his body." The bubble popped and Tirek lifted him up by his collar. His orange eyes scanned over Discord's now trembling figure. He licked his lips before forcing a rough kiss onto Discord's lips.

 

Everyone gasped.

 

"W-What's he...D-Discord, no..." Fluttershy whispered fearfully.

Discord felt as though he'd throw up. This kiss was nothing like the others. So forceful and callous and cold. He felt tears spring to his eyes.

Tirek pulled away, a thin string of drool between their lips. He stared at Discord’s bruised lips and shamefully flushed face, and chuckled softly.

"Even if the sex meant nothing, I would be lying if I said I didn't find you attractive..." Tirek dropped him abruptly, and Discord yelped as he hit the ground. " _Although_..." Discord groaned, before struggling to stand. His eyes shifted upwards to gaze at his- no...Twilight's friends. They were looking at him. Staring at him. At how... **pathetic** he was. He was so ashamed he could have cried.

_'Don't look at me…don’t…please…’_

"You look far more attractive on your knees."

Discord froze at that. He began to shake slightly.

 

He wouldn't. _Would he?_

He felt a large hand encircle his throat. He tensed in fear and began scratching almost instinctively at Tirek’s arm. The last time Tirek had done this, he had drained him of every ounce of his magic. His struggles only made the hand tighten more, and he felt terror pulse from his very core. As a powerful spirit, death was relatively impossible for him. He could survive nearly any form of harm without so much as a scratch. But that was because of the chaos magic stitched into every fiber of his being. With all of that magic currently gone, he realized that Tirek could easily snap his neck and **kill** him. 

 

"Please!" he cried, horrified and squirming in Tirek's grasp. "Don't kill me!"

"Hm? Kill you? Why would I do that? You serve no purpose to me dead." Tirek slammed him onto the ground, and he groaned as his bones creaked from the strength of it. Even then, he knew Tirek was holding back. That could have easily shattered every bone in his body.

 

Tirek got as close as possible to his ear. "What I'm about to do to you, you'll wish I had killed you."

 

And then it clicked. Discord couldn't stop the tears now. "N...No...don't...please." he whimpered softly. He felt so **small** and _helpless_ , and it terrified him. He had never felt this way.

He felt a hand begin to run underneath his dress shirt, caressing the skin there suggestively. He flinched as though he had been struck. "DON'T! PLEASE!" He screamed. He squirmed and struggled, but a firm, overbearing hand on the small of his back kept him firmly in place.

"Discord!" Fluttershy yelped. Her friend...he was hurting her friend! "S-Stop it! Leave him alone!" she yelled.

"Fluttershy, what are you doing? Keep your voice down! He might turn his focus on you instead!" Rarity hissed lowly.

"I-I don't care! He may have made a mistake, but he's still our friend and we need to help him!"

"We can't help him Flutters. We're trapped, and we don't have any magic." Rainbow Dash snapped, clearly upset.

Fluttershy felt tears spring to her eyes. Mistake or not, he was her friend, and he didn't deserve this!

 

Tirek just grinned. "What an _attentive_ audience..."

Discord shuddered. This was not the first time Tirek had touched him in such a way. Earlier that day he had done much the same thing after banishing the Princesses to Tartarus.

He remembered how Tirek had caressed his shoulders.

 He remembered how he had teleported them to Celestia's bedroom.

He remembered Tirek peppering his chest and neck with love bites and kisses.

He remembered crying out in wild abandon as Tirek filled him completely and made love to him, defiling her pristine room with their union.

But most of all, he remembered Tirek holding him close, whispering his plan to capture Twilight's friends and use them to coerce her into giving up her magic into his ear.

What he didn’t remember was it feeling so _**awful**_ before.

It felt so **wrong**. Foreign. The stroking, the caresses, the hot breath on his neck. It was the same touches, but it was _**wrong**_.

He blinked away stinging tears and thrashed harder, his fingers gouging tracks in the ground.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk. Come now, Discord. You didn't make this kind of fuss a day or so ago. Why, you were begging me to fuck you as hard as I could, as a matter of fact. Why so upset now?" His fingers had latched onto a nipple and began to twist and pinch it. A moan escaped Discord's lips. He felt revolted. This didn’t feel good. It _**hurt**_. It hurt his heart. It nauseated him. Why was he making noises like that!?

 _‘Stop it stop it stop it this isn’t supposed to feel good you **whore** why can't you obey your mind for once and do the right thing!??’  _ His mind hissed venomously.

"N-No...p-please. Not in front of them..." he sobbed. He didn’t want them to see this.

Tirek just chuckled. "And what will you do if I ignore that request? What if I tear off your clothing and fuck you like the slut you are, right in front of all of your little 'friends', hm? What would you do to stay my hand?"

Discord said nothing and another quiet sob left his throat. Tirek smirked. "You are POWERLESS. You are in no position to demand **anything** of me. I will defile you where I please and when I please. And you will lay there and take it." With finality, he reached for the waistband of Discord's slacks. Discord thrashed again, desperately trying to escape.

" _No-no-no-no-no **NO**_!” Discord was unable to stop his tears from flowing now, as he squirmed and writhed, sobbing desperately. “Please stop, PLEASE! Don't do this to me! STOP IT!”

Tirek's hand cupped his bare cock and he sobbed harder. He smirked and kissed an exposed part of Discord's back, and his hand began to move back and forth. “I never knew how delicious it could be to hear you cry like this.” He flipped Discord over without much effort and continued pumping his cock. “Mmm…you really do look attractive when you're scared.” Tirek purred. His other hand caressed Discords chest.

“N-no! Stop it, stop it! Stop touching me!” he screamed, shaking as he tried to wrench his hands out of Tirek's hold.

Tirek shifted backwards to a laying position and wrapped his lips around Discord's cock. Discord cried out, and immediately tried to jerk away. Tirek's hands clamped onto his thighs and held him in place.

Tirek sucked and licked at the cock in his mouth. Discord moaned, involuntarily thrusting upwards.

This was all **_wrong_**.

He continued on for a while, until finally, with an anguished yell, Discord came.

He slumped and stared numbly at Tirek. He felt so cold, so empty.

However, his struggles came back to life as he felt a finger circling his asshole.

Discord screeched and frantically began to scratch at Tirek, tears flowing from his eyes continuously.

Suddenly, the hand froze, and pulled away quickly.

"I feel her...approaching. The magic...I can practically taste it..." Tirek mused. His gaze shifted to the Discord, who had curled up and was sobbing into his knees. "Quit your snivelling. I am finished with you. For now." Discord found himself surrounded by a bubble once more. He hesitated before hurriedly fixing his clothing, face flushed with humiliation and shame. "But make no mistake. I will finish this little encounter. I will have you trapped underneath me, terrified and helpless, and I will **_fuck_** you."

His bubble floated back upwards to join the others. He knew they were staring, at him. Judging him. He hugged his knees tighter.  

 

He didn't blame them.

 

He was disgusting.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have always had a headcanon that Tirek manipulated Discord, not just emotionally, but sexually too. I also have a headcaon/AU-ish thing where I see Tirek taking Discord as some sort of sex/torture slave if Twilight hadn't asked to have Discord freed too. Mainly because I always thought it was strange that Tirek didn't banish Discord to Tartarus with the Princesses, yet he seemed surprised that Twilight wanted Discord back. Why would he keep Discord captive as a bargaining chip at all if he didn't think Twilight would want him? Unless, y'know, he wanted a toy to play with after he got all that wanton destruction out of his system? Idk I'm fucked up. *shrugs*
> 
> After this book is done, I'm considering posting a new drabble book centered around this 'Captive Discord AU' thingy. Maybe. idk. bleck. (C_C)


	19. Tentacord (Drabble)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rating: M, sort of  
> Pairing: Discord/Garble  
> Warnings/Other tags: Dub-con, lovecraftian horrror, Eldritch Abomination!Discord, Garble gets tentacled
> 
> Discord is an old fashioned sort of Chaos god. He takes a form one is more comfortable with, rather than leaving you an insane, gibbering mess.

"So like...what even are you, exactly?" Garble asked, before shovelling more cereal into his maw.

Discord stop sipping his hot cocoa and lifted his gaze to meet Garble's own. "Your lover? Boyfriend if you prefer."

Garble grimaced. "Ugh that sounds too flowery and lame. We're more like...eternal rivals that enjoy sharing a domestic life and fucking each other's brains out."

Discord chuckled condescendingly. "'Eternal'? You don't really qualify as eternal. _I'_ _m_ the eternal one here."

"Yeah, actually that's what I meant in the first place. You're like, a kajillion years old. Not even the oldest dragon in the Badlands is as old as you. What...are you?"

Discord set down his mug, looking pensive. "Does it matter? Who, or what, I am under this skin doesn't matter...besides, I only take this form because your primitive mortal mind can't truly grasp its form without being driven to utter insanity." He glanced at Garble and was met with a narrow-eyed, irritated expression. He let out an annoyed huff.

"Fine. You want to see the real me _so_ badly? I'll fulfill your little wish..."

* * *

 

"SWEET MERCIFUL GODS. WHAT THE FUCK!?" Garble screamed.

Discord rolled his eyes. "Really? You're already losing it and I barely dispelled my skin? Can you even _see_ anything through there?"

"Nonono, what the _fuck_ , man, just what the fucking FUCK. There's **_eyes_** , and its BLACK and-OH GODS WHAT THE SHIT IS THAT?" Garble's voice cracked as he watched a slimy, ink black _tentacle_ slowly worm its way through the crack in Discord's skin.

"Its a tentacle??? Tendril? Appendage would be a bit more apt I suppose. And anyways I don't know why you're panicking. I have several dozen more. This is one of the smaller ones, actually. Here, come touch it, its not going to hurt you." Discord cooed the last part, as the squirmy appendage curled around his gloved finger. Garble shakily walked forward before reaching out. As soon as his arm was within a foot of Discord, the tentacle shot out and gripped his wrist. Tightly.

Discord wished he could've recorded the shrill, girlish scream that left Garble's throat.

"Oh relax you baby. That just means it _likes_ you." More tentacles began to seep out of the crack in his illusionary skin, all of them latching onto and grabbing different parts of Garble's body. "Or maybe that they ALL like you..." he noted, eyebrows raised. Garble let out more increasingly embarrassing noises each time he felt one touch him.

Oh gods, they were moving under his _clothes_ and they were so fucking _**slimy**_ and-

SWEET FUCK.

"A-Ahn~!"

Discord's eyes widened, and a smirk crossed his face.

"You know...some of these are actually... _reproductive_. The one currently...ah...grasping you, _**is**_ , in fact." Discord chuckled as he heard Garble gulp. The tentacles pulled him closer to Discord, who took his chin in his hand and tilted it upwards til' Garble's embarrassed gaze met his own. "You know...as fun as using the, uh, traditional tool is... there's something about using **_these_** little beauties that just really...fires me up..."

He punctuated 'fires' with a tightened tentacle hold on Garbles nether regions.

Garble blushed. "Woah woah woah woah, wait hold on-"

A tentacle plunged into his open mouth, silencing him.

"Let's take this to the bedroom, shall we?" Discord said, humming happily as he dragged his squirming lover to a slimy, sticky doom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In my Human!Discord headcanon, Discord's physcial form is mostly a shell used to cover his true self, but the full scope of how inconceivable and alien his primal form is can drive a mortal insane, even a long living one like Spike or Garble.
> 
>  
> 
> And yet despite this, I am possibly planning a TrueForm!Discord/Spike smutshot in the near future. What is wrong with me.


	20. Random Spikecord Headcanons uwu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Its literally just a headcanon dump :V

**Who cooks** \- Spike. Discord can't really ‘cook', but he doesn’t need to since his magic can create things out of thin air  
 **Who cleans the house** \- Spike again. Discord doesn’t really tidy up. It kind of goes against his nature. He will ruin your fucking house if you leave him alone there  
 **Who initiates kisses the most** \- Definitely Discord. When in a relationship, with anybody, Discord becomes just the biggest fucking sweetheart, and showers his s/o with affection.   
**Who gives the most hugs** \- Spike. Spike is a cuddler.  
 **Who gives neck kisses** \- Discord (͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  
 **Who gives forehead kisses** \- Discord again.  
 **Who gives cheek kisses** \- Spike.  
 **Who sleeps naked** \- Discord. He has very little shame.  
 **Who snores the loudest** \- Neither. They’re both pretty quiet.  
 **Who tops?** \- Discord  
 **Who's loudest in bed?-** Spike is VERY vocal during sex. Covert fucks are nearly impossible for these two.  
 **Who's kinkier?** \- D I S C O R D  
 **Who pulls the most pranks** \- Is this even a question? Discord. Spike damn near shits himself every April Foal's day. He knows that Discord is plotting some shit.  
 **Who confessed first** \- Discord, but Spike was the first one to feel something about their relationship.  
-  
Random Relationship Headcanons and Events  
• Spike is 5’4’’. Discord is 6’5’’, meaning that he only comes up to Discord's chest. Needless to say, Discord teases him about it.  
• They have complementary body types. Discord is tall and slim, and Spike is shorter and chubbier. They also have complementary skin tones. Spike is very pale and Discord's skin is darker and more olive colored.  
• Discord's physical age is around late 40s- early 50s, leading to people who don’t know Spike and him thinking that he's Spike's father. This makes for very awkward dinners/dates/outings.  
• Spike has a nice ass. Yes I feel the need to reiterate this. *banging pots and pans together* HUMAN. SPIKE. HAS. A. BIG. OL. BUBBLE. BOODY.  
• Discord loves sweets. Cake, cookies, pie, chocolate, danishes, etc. He adores sweet stuff. Its pretty much all he ever eats. He doesn’t really NEED to eat, being what is essentially an Eldritch abomination wrapped in a humanoid skin. But he loves the taste of sweet stuff and has some kind of sweet on him at all times  
• Discord asks Spike to write letters for him, due to the fact that his brain is hardwired for Ancient Equestrian, so it's difficult for him to write in Modern Ponish and other modern Equestrian languages.  
• Spike is bisexual, with a leaning more towards men than women  
• Discord likes to give stomach kisses, and Spike has a really ticklish stomach  
• Discord dislikes reading because he needs to stay in one place for an extended period of time. So he likes Spike to read to him.  
• Spike is really good with kids, and after Discord and him date for a while, he thinks about what it’d be like to have kids.  
• Spike has a snort laugh. He has a super cute snort laugh and its great.  
• The first time they kissed was a total accident. Spike was really busy organizing the library and gave Discord a kiss for handing him a book without really thinking about it. He didn’t even acknowledge it until like late at night in bed, where he just like, sat up suddenly and said, “Holy fuck, did I actually kiss him!?”  
• Spike likes laying on top of Discord and playing with his hair.  
• Discord's horns are sensitive and Spike likes to pet and lick them, if only to witness Discord shiver and lose his composure.  
• Discord has an odd habit of picking Spike up.  
• Discord is a pervert. Tbph. He has zero shame about it either. “Discord, my head is up here.” “Yes, and your ass is down there, love.”  
• Discord goes out of his way to get Spike a special gift every year for his birthday, and so does Spike. Since Discord can't remember his birthday, Spike decided that the date of his reformation can be like a ‘Re-Birthday'

 


	21. Yah can I get uuuhhhhh....muhfukin...relationship dynamics?

Discord and Spike- Their relationship is weirdly sweet and loving, sometimes to the point of being vomit inducingly affectionate. They are both very physical with their affection, since Discord lacks a concept of personal space and Spike loves to cuddle. When they are out together, its very rare that they will be seen without touching somehow (holding hands, arms around each others waists, hugging, etc,.). You can just kinda tell they are in a romantic relationship. They often flirt, usually with awful pick up lines and the like. Spike is a total tease, and Discord LOVES it. Spike is one of the very few people whom Discord really opens up around, mainly because they are rather similar in that they really aren't like anyone else. Discord understands how much more emotionally fragile Spike is than anyone else he knows, and he also can empathize with a great deal of Spike's issues of not being valued. Basically, they love each other. A whole lot.

Spike and Garble- You know that couple that spends more time insulting each other than acting cute? Thats these two. Rather than cute pet names like 'baby', 'babe', 'love', or 'honey', they prefer 'asshole', 'cuntface', 'idiot' , 'dweeb' and 'dumbass'. They're the couple who even though they act like they _despise_ each other, behind closed doors, with all the walls down and their defenses lowered, are most likely more intimate than they are with even their closest friends. out of the three of them THESE two get into the most arguments and fights, mostly because they are polar opposites. At the end of the day, their relationship is ultimately confusing to anyone who isn't them, and their vitriol only covers up their affection.

Garble and Discord- hoo boi.

These two. Um...yeesh. Y'know how Spike and Discord's relationship is oddly romantic and sweet? Well er, these two are like, not that. The only reason they really would be together would be in a poly relationship with Spike. Garble barely tolerates Discord's eccentricities outside of the bedroom, and Discord sees Garble as everything Spike is not, which is what drew Discord to Spike in the first place. They don't HATE each other , per se. They have grudging respect for each other, and of course they love Spike, but beyond that? It would be a stretch to say they are in love. Now I mean, if Spike isn't around and one of them is horny? They'll fuck. Hard. But you wont catch these two being all sweet and using pet names. Maybe with Spike's coaching and coaxing, they could become friends with benefits, but at the base level? Ah, no. No.These two are not a lovey dovey couple.

At most they're fuckbuddies with some emotional benefits, at worst they're rivals for the brunt of Spike's affection, attention whores that they are.

In terms of sex, Discord is almost always a top. Being stronger, older, and more experienced than Spike and Garble, he naturally dominates in the bedroom. Not that Garble is completely complacent. Garble has a conplex where he refuses to be seen as weak or submissive, even though deep down, he thoroughly enjoys being topped and dominated. This makes him a perfect power bottom, who will allow himself to be fucked as long as he's in control. And finally, Spike. Spike is a bottom, through and through. He lacks the confidence to top anyone, and can't pull off 'domineering' very well. He loves being cared for by someone he trusts, and this translates to his bedroom escapades as well.

 

All in all, these nerds are a bit flawed in their relationship, but they're still mostly healthy and care for each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Allow this headcanon dump to distract you while I work on Buried Deep's 3rd and final part...*slinks away*


	22. Buried Deep (Part Final)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The grand(?) finale

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Discord is fUCKING PISSED #pissedcord

Spike groaned as threw up what little remained in his stomach into the toilet bowl. He clutched his belly and whimpered, before wiping the spittle and stomach acid off onto his sleeve. He stood to his feet, unsteady.

_‘Fuck fuck fuck!’_

He still felt sick, even after vomiting. Night Light…gods, it was as if nobody else was there! What made him think what he was doing was okay!?

Spike grabbed a cup from underneath the sink and swished his mouth out, trying to rid it of the taste of vomit.

“I can't go back…I can't I can't _**I can't**_ …” Spike whimpered, wrapping his arms around himself. He thought he was strong enough to handle it, but no. He broke. All the touches, the looks, the slimy feeling that Night Light, who for all intents and purposes might as well have been his father, was undressing him with his eyes. Spike shuddered in revulsion. He had thought that by now Night Light had moved on to another poor helpless kid, since Spike was now nearly an adult. The thought of Night Light hurting and using another little kid like he had done to him made him feel so distraught, so sickened all these years.

And yet, it seemed Night Light was still focusing on him.

  
“Why can't he just leave me _alone_?” he whispered.  
A knock on the bathroom door startled him. He stood shakily to his feet.

_‘Probably Twilight, checking up on me…’_

He opened the door and felt his stomach drop.

“Spike, are you feeling better? I came to check up on you, son.”

Night Light.

“N-Night Light…” Spike whimpered, shaking his head and stepping back in shock.

Night Light frowned and stepped forward. “Now now Spike, what's with that disrespect? **‘Daddy’**. Surely you haven’t forgotten so quickly…”

“I…I…” Spike felt his stomach recoil. “N-No…stay back...”

Night Light shook his head. “Oh Spike. You've been away from Daddy for too long… _haven’t_ you?” His hand shot out to grab Spike's arm. Spike yelped and immediately tried to struggle from his grip, tears starting to well in his eyes. Night Light was still stronger than him, even after all these years...

“L-Let _go_ of me!”

“Now son, don't make me get rough. You may be older, but I'm still your old man. I'll whip you into shape if I need to.” With that, Night Light pulled Spike into his arms and grabbed his chin, forcibly tilting his head upwards. “ _Now..._ why don't you be a good boy, and give your daddy a kiss…” He pressed his lips to Spike's own, letting out a lustful moan. Spike shrieked into his mouth and moments later Night Light let out a cry of pain as Spike sunk his sharp teeth into his lips. He pulled away from Spike and backhanded him across the face, before pulling him up by the collar of his shirt. “Who do you think you are? After _everything_ I've ever done for you, I try to show you my love, and you bite me? You little _slut_.” He growled. Spike whined softly and struggled against him.

_‘I need to get out of here I need to leave please I can't do this not again no no **no no-** '_

“Stop it! Don't touch me, you fucking rapist bastard!” Spike cried. Night Light sneered.

“Rapist? Is that what you think this has all been? _Rape_? All the love and attention I've given you?” He clicked his tongue and shook his head. “Oh Spike. Daddy loves you, but you sure do enjoy _lying_ to me.”

“You're disgusting and I want _nothing_ to fucking do with you! Who knows how many other kids you’ve touched, you sick fuck!”

Another smack send Spike's head snapping to the right.

“’Other kids'. You really are clueless, baby. The only one I have ever wanted was you. Not Shining, not Twily. I love you, Spikey. No matter what age you are, I'll want you. I’d never cheat on you…”

Spike stared at him, shock and disgust written clearly on his face. “' _Cheat'_? You…You’re sick. Sick in the head!”

Night Light growled, before grabbing at the buttons of Spike’s shirt. “You know what's really sick? You cheating on _me_. With… ** _him_**.”

“Huh?”

“What does he have that I don't? Or do you just like silver foxes…”

“W-What? What're you _talking_ about!?”

“The other man at the party. He said you two were close.” Night Light scoffed and ripped Spike's shirt open, buttons cascading to the crystal floor. Spike whined at the feel of cool air caressing his bare chest. Night Light sighed, before gently rubbing Spike's nipple, causing him to gasp and shruggle. He growled and slammed Spike against the wall, roughly grabbing his ass as he did so. He held Spike's arm in a vicegrip against the wall, and Spike groaned in pain. Night Light snarled and began to lap at the crook of his neck, and Spike whimpered and thrashed, tears slowly trailing down his cheeks. "How does he _fuck_ you, Spikey? I bet I can do it better..."

“Get off me. _Please_ …don’t do this…” he sobbed. Night Light kissed his way up his neck, before straying to lap at his tears.

“Don't cry baby boy. Daddy just wants to make you feel good…”

“St-Stop it! Puh-Please… _D-Daddy...don't hurt me…_ ” He was losing it. He felt just as scared and helpless as he had years ago, trapped beneath his father and desperate for it to just _end_ , for his ‘daddy’ to stop _hurting_ him.

“Mm…I love it when you beg. So _sexy_. Oh Spike...you're so beautiful. So soft…so sweet. I've missed you so much, baby. I think of you constantly, you know…” he purred, before nipping at Spike's collarbone. He busied himself at Spike's shorts, undoing the button and fiddling with the zipper.

A burst of terror mixed with adrenaline filled Spike, and he sobbed harder, before kicking out at Night Light, catching him in the knee. Night Light yelped in pain, and his grip on Spike loosened. Spike practically threw himself out of his hold, and stumbled towards the bathroom door. He wrenched it open and stumbled into the hallway.

 

_‘Run run run run run RUN. Don't let him catch you, don't let him hurt you.'_

_'Fight. Run. Hide.’_

 

“Spike?”

Spike jumped and nearly tripped over himself. Discord stood at the top of the palace stairs. Spike froze, before letting out a weak cry and running to him. Discord stared at him, clearly shocked, but opened his arms to receive him, and Spike bawled and shuddered in his embrace.

“ _Goodness_ , Spike, are you okay? What-“

 _ **“Spike!?** _ Where are you!? You are in a lot of trouble young man!”

Spike let of a cry of fear and buried his face even more in Discord's chest. Discord narrowed his eyes and bared his fangs in a frightening snarl.

“ _ **Him**_. He did this to you, hm? I knew he was up to something when he left. _Disgusting_ …” he gently took Spike by the chin and raised it up until that emerald gaze met his own. “Spike, stay here. I'll handle this.” He slowly let go of him and walked towards the bathroom, his eyes and hands already glowing with magic.

Night Light walked out of the bathroom, eyes blazing with fury. ”You dirty little whore.” He spat. “I'm going to- **ACK**!”

Night Light's eyes bugged as he was hoisted into the air by an aura of magic around his throat.

Spike stared in a mixture of awe and slight fear as Night Light sputtered and gasped, kicking his legs futilely and grasping at his neck.

Spike shook his head and ran towards Discord. “Discord s-stop! You'll _kill_ him!”

Discord didn’t even look back at him, his icy gaze fixated on the struggling man above them. “Who cares?“

Spike grabbed Discord's arm desperately. “You can't just kill a person-“

Discord glared down at him, and Spike flinched at the hatred and rage etched into his features.  
“A **person**? No. He's not a _**person**_. He's a _**parasite**_. A vile, putrid leech. This world? Would be better off without him.”

“Discord please…stop choking him. Let me speak to him. I need to say something.” He stared up at him pleadingly. " _Please_."

Discord's gaze softened slightly before he switched to look at Night Light, who looked as though he was losing consciousness. Finally, he relented, and the aura around his neck expanded slightly. Night Light gasped for air, and coughed.

“Say what you have to say, Spike. Before I change my mind.” Discord growled.

Spike nodded before stepping forward. “I…I should let him. You know? Let him choke the life out of you. Let him hurt you. Because you _deserve_ it. You've…” He choked up slightly. “You’ve hurt me _so_ much. Made me feel weak, and hopeless, and **_worthless_**. But as much as I hate you…I’m not you. I don’t hurt people…or let people get hurt, to make myself feel good. Hurting you won't fix what you did to me. Killing you won't change the fact that you…r-raped me. There's no fucking _point_ hurting you. You aren't…aren’t worth it.” Spike breathed in deeply. He turned to look at Discord. “Let’s go. To my room. I need…need a shower…”

Discord hesitated before nodding. He looked up at Night Light and snarled, then swung his arm towards the wall, sending Night crashing into it. He cried out in pain from the impact, which seemed to have cracked some of his ribs. He slumped to the ground, gripping his sides and crying in pain. Discord looked down at him in disgust.

"I don't think this really needs to be said, but screw it. I don't particularily care for you, as I'm sure you have _ascertained_. So here's a bit of a 'heads-up': If I find out you've talked to, looked at, touched, or even _thought_ of touching Spike, I'll rearrange your orifices so that you shit from your mouth and eat with your ass, before casting you into a pocket dimension full of nothing but pulsating walls of flesh and screaming faces twisted in torment." Night Light just whimpered in pain, and Discord snorted. "Pathetic.  _Arrivederci_." He turned to follow Spike back to his room.

* * *

 Spike winced at the hot water hit his back, beating the heat into his tightened muscles, relaxing him.

“What do you think will happen? With Twilight and your…parents?” Discord asked from behind the plastic veil of the shower curtain.

Spike sighed. “Dunno. She's upset, hurt, and obviously angry. But I know she doesn’t hate them. They're her _parents_. She'll probably always love them…even after…after what they did to me…”

“That sounds like it bothers you.”

A pause. “Sort of. But its not my place.”

“Your...'place'?”

“To control who she loves. Blood is thicker than water, you know? He's her dad.”

“And you've known her your whole life. Didn’t she help raise you?”

“It’s complicated, I guess…” Spike murmured, soapy cloth rubbing over purpling bruises and hickies. As if trying to scrub the evidence of his father's sin from his skin.

Finally, he turned off the water and stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around himself as he did. Discord had seen him fully nude twice, now, but after the emotionally exhausting day he had, he couldn’t even bring himself to care.

He walked over to the bed, grabbing his night shirt and pants, slipping them on. Discord looked away out of respect this time, until he heard Spike clear his throat.

“Um, considering everything that's happened, this probably sounds kinda inappropriate, but…can…can you hold me again? At least until I fall asleep? I just…” he blushed. “I don't feel comfortable being… _alone_ right now...”

Discord blinked, and smiled coyly. “I thought you were 'practically an adult'? Yet you need me as a security blanket?”

Spike looked down at his feet, and Discord's jocular tone evaporated. “I…I was only joking. Don't look so down. If you want me to hold you, I will.”

Spike smiled softly. “Th-Thank you…”

Discord sat on the bed and patted next to him, and Spike sat down. Discord wrapped an arm around him, holding him close and rocking slowly, until finally, he lulled the boy into a peaceful, dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woof! So that brings that a close! I considered having a part of the chapter where Twilight is confronting her father and mother. But then I remembered that this book focuses on Discord and Spike (and Garble but who cares about him - w -). So I'm leaving that up to your imagination. How do you believe Twilight would handle this information, and how would she confront her parents? You decide! :^)
> 
> But wow, only 2 more chapters and an epilogue before we end this little Spikecord journey. Its bittersweet, admittedly. On one hand, this collection is my most viewed and liked. On another, its almost over. ;-; Merp. Once this drabble collection draws to a close, I'll be focusing on Chauis Fera, my Spikecord adventure story, which will have more of a linear storyline, and that Tirekord Kinktober fuckfest that I'm only a 15th of the way through ;;-;; Damm you procrastinating mind! *shakes fist* But yeah, I'm really pumped. The last drabble will be less of a drabble and more of a super long one-shot that neatly wraps this pairing (or OT3) in a neat little bow. I'm excite uwu
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoyed! Feel free to comment, review, and criticize. Your feedback is important and appreciated! Keep calm and bara on! ;√}


	23. Headcanons [Gone Sexual] (͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alright some headcanons, in no real particular order. Nothing sexual is off limits. Kinks, positions, power dynamics, all of it is fair game. Nothing too racy for this chapter. Time to really earn that E rating, eh?

• In terms of power dynamics, Spike is a bottom, Garble is a Power Bottom who tops Spike, and Discord is a Switch with a predilection towards topping.

• Being topped makes Spike feel protected and cared for, which is really important to him.

• Discord loves maintaining influence and control over others, so in the bedroom, he's rather domineering. When you step in that bedroom, your body is his m8. He won't hurt you though, no worries. (Unless you're into that sort of thing ;-) )

• Garble is absolutely turned on by rough sex. Biting, hair-pulling, harsh thrusts, scratches, etc. Thats how you get him going.

• Spike loves after sex cuddling. Garble hates it. Discord can be one or the other, depending on his mood.

• Garble loves ass. He is _extremely_ ass focused.

• Discord is a walking kink apocalypse, and also nearly omnisexual. He is down for pretty much anything with pretty much anyone. He has very few hard limits (namely excretion, pedophilia, necrophilia, infantilism, and vore of any type). But pretty much anything else is fair game. He will fuck anything that is sentient, old enough, and into him.

• Garble has a domination kink, and strangely enjoys being held down and controlled by someone stronger than he is.

• Spike likes magic being incorporated into sex. Unable to use magic (to his knowledge), he finds it fascinating and it being used on him in the bedroom to be very sexy.

• Owls and Oubliettes is what became the gateway for both Discord and Spike to become interested in sexual roleplay.

• Yes, they have worn their respective costumes and roleplayed in them.

• Spike enjoys crossdressing. Not, like, ballgowns level, but he does like wearing skirts and stockings and garters, especially in the bedroom. He loves trying on different types of lingerie for Discord and Garble.

• Discord is flexible despite his age (he's basically a god) and puts this to good use, especially during foreplay.

• The only time Spike has ever topped was on his 18th birthday when Discord told him he could dominate him. Spike TRIED to, but his attempts to make himself seem dominant were just so hilarious that they both decided it was too much for him to pull off.

• Discord absolutely lets loose with his powers during intercourse. Y'ever open the door to your room and find 4 copies of your boyfriend sitting on the bed naked, waiting for you?

• Discord has different sets of safewords for Garble and Spike. With Spike he uses colors (Red, Yellow, Green), and with Garble he uses speeds (Full Stop, Pause, Play)

• Spike loves being tied up and blindfolded.

• Out of all of them, Spike is the most adventerous

• Garble is the least adventurous.

• Discord's favorite position is doggystyle. Whether giving or receiving.

• Spike is into voyeurism. He has always wanted to watch either Garble or Discord have sex with someone while he watches, but he's far too nervous to ask.

• All of them enjoy sex with the other for different reasons: Spike loves sex with Discord because Discord is careful with him and takes care of all of his needs. Garble loves sex with Discord because he won't treat Garble like a breakable doll. Discord loves sex with Spike because of how much Spike tries to please and how cute and thoughtful he can be. Discord loves sex with Garble because of his fiesty and stubborn attitude that Discord loves to break. And Spike loves sex with Garble because Garble isn't scared to be rough with him, while also showing that Spike's pleasure matters to him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly uploaded this chapter to tide you all over until the last chapter. seriously, that beast is nearing about 5000 words and Im not even finished. Might be a minute before I post the final chapter. So until then I hope you enjoyed these embarrassingly dirty headcanons.
> 
> In the mean time, why not check out my newest Spikecord ditty, Stuck In A Rut. A few thousand words of smutty, fluffy, slightly angsty Spikecord goodness, that I can usually update within a few days! Not sure how long it'll be but hey, why not stick along for the ride? 
> 
> keep calm and bara on my lovelies! ,';^}


	24. When They Realized

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spike, Discord, and Garble, and when they all realized various things.
> 
> Rated M for sexually explicit scenes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp. This is it. The finale.

Spike realized he was bisexual when he caught himself staring at Thorax far longer than was necessary. His captivating teal eyes, his cute little fangs, and his lithe form. He had never studied another person like that, besides Rarity. It made him feel confused.

Thorax was a guy.

Was it right to feel this way?

* * *

 Garble first realized that he might not have been as straight as he assumed when he got a face full of his friend Clobber's rump. Clobber was a fan of eating, and it seemed as though all of his indulgence went straight to his hips and ass. The ass that was currently, though unintentionally, practically touching his nose.

“Gross. Get yer fuckin' ass outta my face, Clobs.” He spat.

Clobber jumped and apologized, and Garble tried to ignore the irrational thought that he didn’t exactly want Clobber's ass to leave his line of sight. And the irrational thought of what his ass would feel like in his hands. And that extremely, _unbelievably_ weird thought of what Clobber would sound like if he touched it.

After the incident, Garble found himself studying Clobber far more intensely. Not just his ass, but his pretty lips and thick thighs, too.

Yeah, he wasn't nearly as straight as he had thought.

* * *

 Discord never had to realize his sexuality. It simply just occurred over his extremely long lifespan. He saw an attractive woman, he made a move. He saw an attractive man, he made a move. He saw an attractive, sapient creature of indiscernible gender? He made a move. Discord was never one to agonize over his sexuality. He fucked who he found attractive, as impersonally as possible, and that was the end of it. As long as they were willing, aware, and especially detached, he was content. Commitment was so damned _messy_.

And then he met her.

Young, and beautiful. A ray of sunshine, with a scorching temper. A fiery but awkward girl, nothing like the queenly persona she now displayed to her subjects. But he saw past that persona. She couldn’t hide it from him. He knew who she was, who she _used_ to be.

They had met by chance, in a forest near her castle. He hadn't even been aware this land had a ruler. She introduced herself as Celestia, Princess of Equestria, and her sister as Luna.

To call them friends would have been presumptuous. The Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony did not make friends with pretty young women that had gorgeous magenta eyes, and a headstrong will, and flawless, porcelain skin, and a curvy, voluptuous figure that would look rather nice bent over a-

  
He was in deep before he had even realized it.

He felt disgusted with himself. Here he was, over 500,000 years old, lovesick over a woman who couldn’t have been even an eighth of that age. She was a brat. She was demanding. She was stubborn. And beautiful. And kind.

And he _loved_ her.

He really did.

He loved to sit with her in the castle garden, and teach her how to bake a cake. He loved to let her read to him and practice magic with him. He adored the way she flushed when he told her how ravishing she looked in her ballgown, that she swore up and down looked _awful_ on her. He especially adored how she sounded as he tasted her, her toes curling and her thighs quivering as she whispered his name into the cool summer night.

Twenty years they were together. And he loved her.

But he loved anarchy as well.

 

What a thrill, what a _rush_! The townspeople ran about in confusion and terror, as reality around them collapsed and warped, nature itself twisting and rebelling against them. He felt drunk on his own grandeur. Potent chaos magic crackled on his fingertips, and he cackled as he tore their dull harmony to pieces with his bare hands. They deserved this, and so did he. They had treated him like a pariah, like a monster! It was only _fair_ that they pay him back with such quality entertainment.

  
“Discord!? What are you _**doing**_?”

  
She stared at him with such fear in her eyes. He smiled. His sunshine. She was _here_ , she could see his power. How _unstoppable_ he was. He caressed her cheek, feeling a twisted, deep, dark part of him shiver in ecstasy at the way she shuddered in horror. He offered her a chance to stand by his side. A beautiful empress, next to him for eternity, ruling over this land and these pitiful people.

He did not expect her to fight him.

The betrayal cut him deeply, and as they clashed with magic, and words, he realized that her love for him was finite. That these miserable playthings were worth far more to her than he ever was. And that infuriated him. How **dare** she play with his heart?

  
It was only a bit over millennium later that he apologized. And she was graceful and forgiving, much to his surprise. And they sat together, in the Canterlot castle garden, much like they had over a thousand years ago, staring up at her sister’s beautiful night. Not as lovers, but finally, as true friends.

* * *

Spike realized he was attracted to Discord in a rather embarrassing way. He was a teenager, that much was obvious. His short stature did not change the fact that he was a 16-year-old, hormonal, awkward teenager, with a lot of sexual confusion. And Discord was an attractive older man that had a _very_ big issue with acknowledging others' personal space.

Ever since his rather startling discovery over his attraction to Thorax, every time he was looked at or innocently touched by an attractive man, he couldn’t help but feel flustered. And this became an especially frustrating problem with Discord.

Touching his shoulders, wrapping an arm around him, getting uncomfortably close to his face. At first it was only a bit embarrassing, but as they grew closer as friends, and Discord's touches became far more affectionate, Spike found himself somehow enjoying the invasion of his personal space.

And then, one day, Discord sat behind him on the floor and pulled Spike into his lap. Spike felt his face heat up as he rested against a lean but strong chest, arms wrapped around his midsection as Discord yammered on about something involving Guys' Night and changing his character's class.

Later that evening, Spike awoke to the feeling of sticky underwear and a sweaty brow. As he stared at the ceiling, hazily remembering warm, calloused hands sliding along his bare thighs, fiery kisses peppering his chest, and a smooth, silky voice whispering praises into his ears, he realized that he was in a bit of a mess.

* * *

Garble realized that Spike was his type by complete accident, and had you told him a year or two ago that he would be attracted to a stupid, runty, Equestria loving _loser_ , he would have punched you directly in your face.

He was hanging around a crag, waiting for his friends. There was going to be another Equestrian dignitary coming, and he'd be _damned_ if he didn’t mess with them a bit.

He didn’t expect Spike. Just hearing Ember say his name made his blood boil, remembering all the times the little shit embarrassed him. He peaked his head around the rock, wanting a chance to glower at the bastard, but instead his jaw promptly dropped.  
The year and a half since the Gauntlet had been kind to the little annoyance. He was gorgeous, even Garble could see it. His pale, creamy skin contrasted well with his plump pink lips and emerald green eyes, all tied together with his round, impish face framed by long, curly green hair. He was chubby, his little belly visible underneath his purple t-shirt, but not overly so, and most of his fat apparently went straight to his hips, which were accented by a pair of tight, criminally short jean shorts, that left practically nothing to the imagination. His shapely calves were covered by simple purple and green kneesocks, and Garble felt himself beginning to drool.

How was this possible? How could such a pathetic loser be so…hot!? So cute, so _perfect_!? It wasn’t **fair**! He was supposed to be a pathetic, Equestria-friendly runt, not a sumptuous, curvy little _twink_ that made his heart clench!

He stared as he spoke with Ember, and nearly felt his knees weaken as Spike turned around and he got an eyeful of the most gorgeous, plump, round ass he had ever seen. For fuck's sake, he had seen _girls_ that didn’t have asses that nice! This should be illegal. It should be a criminal fucking **offense** for another guy to have a figure that nice.

Needless to say, Garble went home without bothering him, and for the next few months, whenever he pleasured himself, there was always a single name on his lips.

* * *

 Discord was no fool. He was manic and definitely had a few screws loose, but a fool was something he very, _very_ rarely was.

Spike had a crush on him. He noticed all the signs, the flush on his cheeks whenever Discord was close to him, his eyes lighting up when he caught sight of him, the way he would study Discord's form when he assumed he wasn't being watched, only to flush and look away quickly whenever he was caught.

Discord found it amusing. He had always seen himself as attractive and desirable. However, to have another person acknowledge him as such inflated his ego to _monstrous_ proportions. He liked to tease Spike, intentionally doing suggestive things, if only to see those pale cheeks florid with embarrassment.

He wasn't exactly sure when amusement turned to mutual desire, but if he had to guess, it would be a particularly cold day in winter, where Spike was carrying a stack of books. Discord had appeared rather suddenly, startling him violently, which lead to the tomes decorating the floor rather than a shelf. Discord was about to apologize, but promptly choked on his words as Spike bent over, clearly unaware of what it would look like to Discord.

Gods _above_ , that was a nice rump.

  
_Extremely_ nice.

  
He would be lying if he said it wasn't the nicest he'd seen in a few thousand years.

He levitated the books and set them into Spike's arms once more. And tried to ignore the way his throat dried at that earnest little smile and those seemingly bottomless green eyes gazing up at him in gratitude. Spike thanked him and walked away, but not before flashing Discord another genuine, adorable little smile over his shoulder.

When did Twilight's goofy little assistant become so _desirable_?

* * *

Spike never realized that Discord returned his feelings until he was told. Months of pining and being ignored had convinced him that Discord felt no such attraction for him. And Discord had been as obvious as possible, too. Compliments, gifts, and affectionate gestures that went completely over his head. But Spike was never the most observant boy. At 17 years old, he found it incredibly hard to key in on subtle signs.

One night, Discord had enough.

Spike had written up a mental list of what to expect when Discord asked to speak with him in Spike's room. A kiss was definitely not on it. Spike felt his heart race as chapped lips pressed against his own, and a warm breath blew across his face. The kiss was over before it really started, and Discord pulled back.

Spike blinked, clearly flabbergasted.

“Did I _finally_ get through that thick skull of yours, Spike?” Discord asked, voice impatient, with just a hint of hope.

“I…Huh…buh…what?”

Discord rolled his eyes and pecked him on the forehead. “You’re _clueless_. You're so godsdamned clueless. It would be funny if it wasn’t so _sad_. I'm _attracted_ to you, you little simpleton.”

Spike's mouth just hung open, and Discord felt the beginning of a headache coming.

* * *

 Discord realized he loved the little fool around 9 months into their relationship. While at first he was merely physically attracted to Spike, as anyone starting a romantic relationship usually is, he slowly but surely began to discover all sorts of curious and wonderful little things about his young paramour.

Whenever Spike was feeling nervous or bashful, he'd bite his bottom lip and look at his shoes, and when he was angry, he would pout, his emerald eyes flashing. When he was sad, his ears would seemingly droop. And speaking of his ears, they were incredibly sensitive. Little puffs of breath or kisses on the shell of one would send shudders up his spine and color his cheeks a gorgeous shade of coral.

Spike liked to read. One would think he'd despise reading, given his duty of regularly maintaining countless heavy, dusty volumes for his bookworm of a guardian, but Spike enjoyed literature almost as much as Twilight did. However, whereas Twilight preferred stories of intrigue and mystery, and tomes of ancient Equestrian history, Spike preferred things from the realms of imagination. Fantastical adventures, emotional dramas, pulse-pounding thrillers…Discord never really understood the fascination. A large majority of his teenage years had been far more adventurous, dramatic, and thrilling than any book. You'd think the stories would _bore_ him.

Spike was intelligent. It was easy to forget that he was the scribe and secretary of one of the most influential and talented mages of this era. He was quick-witted, cynical, and an excellent writer. His calligraphy was beautiful, and his penmanship was superb. He engaged in snark-to-snark combat with the younger man quite frequently, and they were both masters of the deadpan.

Spike had low self-esteem. It was painfully obvious how little he valued himself. It showed whenever Discord showered him with affection, or gave him a compliment. Especially with compliments. The poor thing could simply **NOT** accept a compliment and it drove Discord nuts.

(You look wonderful.) “Are you _kidding_? I just got out of bed, I'm a mess!”

(I like how you did your hair.) “My hair looks _awful_ , what are you talking about?”

(That shirt looks nice on you.) “Eh…Not r-really. It makes me look really _girly_ , y'know?”

(You're so cute.) “Hahaha…’ _cute_ '. F-Funny joke, Discord.”

 

One day he just couldn’t take it anymore.

“ **Godsdammit**!” He snapped, fist slamming on the arm of the couch.

Spike jumped, clearly startled. “W-What?”

Discord glared at him. “Is it that damned **difficult** for you to comprehend how much I _enjoy_ being with you?” Spike stared at him, clearly taken aback, as Discord stood to his feet and walked over to him. Spike gaped up at him, confusion etched into his features. Discord sunk to his knees in front of him, and took his hands into his own. “Do you take me for a _fool_? Do you think I can't tell how worthless you _believe_ you are? Do you think I compliment you to be _**funny**_?”

Spike looked slightly frightened, and definitely flummoxed. “D-Discord, I-“

“ _ **Quiet**_!” Discord growled. Spike whimpered, and Discord shook his head. “Just…I’m sorry, but please be quiet and listen.” He looked Spike dead in the eyes, scarlet locking with green. “I am going to praise and compliment you, and you are not going to give me a _single_ godsforsaken rebuttal to ANYTHING that I say. Understood, Spike?”

“Discord, p-please, I-“

“ _Understood_?”

Spike looked down at his lap and nodded hesitantly. Discord sighed and dragged his thumb along the back of Spike's palm. “You’re _beautiful_. You're so beautiful that sometimes I forget how to breathe properly when I look at you. Your eyes are _astounding_ to look into. Your hair is so soft that I wish you'd just let me brush it once in a while. But you always refuse to, and I know  exactly why.” Spike bit his lip, and Discord squeezed his hands. “It’s because you… _foolishly_ believe that whenever anyone spends time, care, and energy on you, its a waste. And I can't stand the fact that a beautiful, intelligent,  wonderful boy puts so little _worth_ on himself. It sickens me every time you dodge my compliments, brush off my affection, and act as though my love for you is some sort of prank, or mistake.” Spike's eyes glittered with the beginning of tears. “I mean…I know I tend to make a funny situation out of pretty much everything, but this? How I feel about you? It isn’t a joke, Spike.”

Spike looked to the side, as if trying not to acknowledge Discord's presence at his feet. Discord frowned and kissed Spike's hands, and he gasped, attempting to jerk them away. Discord held on a bit tighter and persisted, peppering Spike's wrists and palms with reverent kisses.

“D-Discord... _please_ , you d-don't…you don't _h-have_ to-“ His voice was shaky and choked with emotion.

Discord ignored him and leaned back, taking hold of Spike's nude calf and placing a worshipful kiss on that pale, smooth skin. He place another kiss near his knee, before trailing a line of kisses down his shin. “I _love_ you, Spike.” He whispered, breath blowing across Spike's skin.

Tears began to trail over Spike's cheeks and, shakily, his petite hands attempted to push Discord’s head away. “N-No… _no no **no**_! D-Discord- _Discord_ , _s-stop it._ ” His voice quivered almost as much as his body did, but Discord was undeterred.

“I _love_ you.” He repeated, before pressing a kiss to the top of Spike's foot. Spike was sobbing now, hand buried in his hair, the other balled against his eye as he trembled from the strength of the feelings flooding through him.

“Don't _say_ that! Stop! You…you can’t s-say that unless you mean it!” he cried.

“ _I love you_.”

“I don't…I don't _deserve_ that! I don't have the _right_ to have somebody do this for me!” Spike bawled.

Discord shook his head. “You have the right to be cared for, Spike.”

Spike whimpered, covering his face, refusing to look at him. “No…”

Discord rubbed his thigh with his thumb, as if trying to soothe the distraught boy. “You _deserve_ to be worshipped.”

“Please…”

Discord reached up and gently took his wrists into his hands, trying not to marvel at how small they, and the boy they were attached to, really were. He pulled Spike's hands away from his face and leaned forward until they were practically nose to nose.

“You have the right to be loved. And you **are**. I love you, Spike. And I mean **every** word I say.”

Spike stared at him, teary eyes sparkling. “ _Why_? Why love me?”

Discord smirked and shrugged. “Nobody chooses who they love. I love you because I simply do. Must there be a reason?” He kissed Spike on the lips, and felt a twinge of joy as he kissed back. As they pulled away from each other, Spike bit his lip and looked to the side.

“I l-love you, t-too. I…I have for a while...I’ve just been scared of s-saying it to you. I thought that…that you might leave me if I went too fast with the whole…’love’ thing…I didn’t wanna scare you off.” He said softly. Discord smiled and pulled him into a tight embrace.

“It will take far more than that to frighten me away, dear boy...”

* * *

The day Garble showed up at the palace was the day that both he and Spike realized that life wasn't fair and fate is for suckers.

“Um…what do you _want_?” Spike asked, lightly scraping his toe across the ground.

Garble folded his arms. “Yeah, nice to see you too, ‘ _Spikey-Wikey_ '. You greet everyone who shows up here like that or is this a special welcome just for me?”

“You still haven't answered my question Garble.” Spike replied impatiently.

“Fine, fine… _geez_ …” Garble scratched the back of his head, staring up at the sky. “Okay so, basically, we're sort of destined to be together-“

Spike held up his hand, expression dull. “Stop.”

“Ya didn’t even let me finish!”

“Why in the world would I let you continue after that horseapples just fell out of your mouth?”

“S'true! We're soulmates. I followed your aura all the way here.”

“You've got 5 seconds to get off of our porch Garble.”

Garble grabbed his wrist. “ _Please_ , you don't get it!”

Spike glared at him. “The only thing I get is that you're obviously _nuts_ if you think I would wanna be involved romantically with you. Now let go and go back to the Dragon Lands.”

Garble whimpered, and Spike was taken aback by the pitiful expression on his face. “Please don't make me leave Spike.” When Spike went to pull away again, he sank to his knees. “I'll _die_ without you! Once I find my soulmate, if I stay away from ‘em for too long, I'll die…it can happen to any dragon who finds their soulmate…”

Spike stared into his eyes, and was surprised to see that he was serious, or at least appeared to be. He rolled his eyes and sighed. “Come in. We're going to talk about this with Twilight and my boyfriend-“

Garble immediately shot to his feet. “ _ **Boyfriend**_!?”

“Yeah, boyfriend. And if we find out you're lying, you're gonna to get it.”

Garble pouted. “Tch, fine. Take me to the nerd and the asshole.”

Spike glowered at him before turning around and leading him inside the palace.

* * *

 Garble realized very quickly that he didn’t like Discord. He made his blood boil in the worst possible way, and he absolutely _hated_ how much time Spike liked to spend with him. Spike had barely warmed up to him in the past 4 months, even though they were _soulmates_ , yet _this_ asshole got the brunt of Spike's affection. It pissed him off.

“How come you never cuddle with _me_?” Garble whined, as Spike reclined in Discord's lap, reading a book about basilisks. Spike looked up from his book to stare at Garble, while Discord let out a mocking snort and leaned back to stare at the ceiling in disbelief. Garble glared at the both of them. “What’s _that_ reaction for, huh?”

“I mean...its just...” Spike looked at Discord for some assistance.

“You haven’t exactly given him a reason to.”

Garble frowned. “Uh, we're soulmates. There gotta be a better reason than that?”

Spike rolled his eyes. “We went over this Garble. Just because _you’re_ compelled to be my soulmate doesn’t mean I am too.”

Garble waved his hand dismissively. “Yeah, yeah, that whole ‘magical premature birth' thing that messed up yer development, I know.” He pouted. “Still, I've been hanging around ya for 4 months and ya still haven’t asked to cuddle with me. Once. ‘M feelin’ neglected.”

Spike sighed. “Well maybe if you put in a bit more effort, I'd be more inclined to be affectionate with you. I'm pretty much tolerating you because I know what will happen if I totally reject you.”

Garble threw his hands up in exasperation. “What!? More effort? I don't insult ya anymore, _and_ I help ya clean your room! What more d'ya **want** from me!?”

Spike scoffed and looked back in his book. “Your idea of ‘cleaning’ leaves a lot to be desired. Shoving everything under the bed isn't ‘cleaning'. And wow, you're not a _total_ asshole. Now I _**really**_ wanna snuggle with you.” He glared back at Garble. “You need to get that whole Draconoid way of thinking outta your head. If you want to be with me, then work for it. I'm not a possession, and you're not entitled to me.”

“I mean, technically I kinda _am-_ “

Spike glowered and tossed his book onto the coffee table. “And that's where I leave. Goodbye.” Spike got up off of Discord's lap and made his way upstairs. Garble flinched as he heard a door slam.

“So I don't think it needs to be said, but you pretty much _bombed_ that one."

Garble gritted his teeth and snarled at Discord, who ignored the gesture and sat up, stretching. “I mean _honestly_ …you basically implied that he's some sort of prize or possession that you're entitled to. In what plane of reality is that a good thing to say to a potential partner?”

“Ugh, shuddup…”

“If you want, I could assist you. Free romance lessons. Sweep him right off of his pretty little feet.”  
Garble looked at him quizzically. “Why would you do that?”

“Well…” Garble jumped as he heard Discord's voice coming from behind him. He turned abruptly and nearly bumped noses with him.

“GAH! _Jeez_ , the fuck!? Don't do that!”

Discord chuckled. “In answer to your question, I'm simply curious to see where this might lead us.”

“Yer willin' to help me steal him from you?”

Discord frowned and gave him a rather icy stare. “’ _Steal him from me'_? He isn't mine to steal. We are in a relationship and I love him, but he isn't some object I can lose to someone. Goodness, you have quite a possessive and controlling view of relationships. How disconcerting.”

“Wha? He can't date the both of us, stupid…”

“Says who? I know he loves me, and I love him. And if you follow my advice, _you_ could get him to love you too. What's wrong with that?”

Garble’s nose scrunched up. “That’s…weird. How the fuck would that even work?”

Discord just patted his mohawk condescendingly. “Oh, don't worry your cute little head about that. Now, do you want him to love you or not?”

Garble glared, before sighing and slumping. “Yeah…”

Discord smirked. “Delightful.” He popped out of existence and reappeared at the base of the stairs. “Lesson one is tomorrow morning. Don't be late.”

* * *

 Garble realized that he was the only virgin in the relationship when he walked in on Spike and Discord together in Spike's room.

“ _A-Ah_! Discord! _G-Gods_ , d-don't _stop_ …”

“Mm…wasn’t _planning_ on it, love…”

Garble just gawked, mouth agape. So much skin on display. Spike was in Discord's lap, bouncing up and down, and the globes of his perfect, plump ass were being gripped and pulled apart by Discord's hands. He eyed Discord's cock as it slid in, then out, almost rhythmically. It was thicker than his own but he had no way of knowing how much longer he was and- _wow_ , he felt light-headed. He looked down at himself and was somehow both surprised and unsurprised to see he was sporting an erection.

He cleared his throat, and both of them froze to look at Garble.

“Uh…h-hey…what’s _up_?” His voice cracked at the end of his sentence and he tugged at the bottom of his t-shirt.

Spike turned almost crimson and buried his face in the crook of Discord's neck, and Discord took a hand off of Spike's rump to scratch his beard. “Well, before you so _rudely_ interrupted, we were engaging in a bit of fornication.”

“Oh my _gods_ , Discord...” Spike groaned in embarrassment, his grip on Discord's midsection tightening.

“Uh…y-yeah, I can see that…” Garble snorted.

“I'd really like to get back to it, if that's all right. I could tell he was close…” He jiggled Spike a bit, who let out a stuttered moan.

“Y-Yeah… **w-was**! I-I'm t-too _embarrassed_ now! Gods, this is _mortifying_ …”

Discord sighed. “Ooh, what a shame. You always sound so _lovely_ when you orgasm, too. Listening to you cum is almost as satisfying as having it happen to myself.”

“Oh gods, _shut up_ …”

Garble stuffed his hands in the pockets of his sweatpants, attempting to mask his arousal. “Uh, well, I guess I can go-“

Discord's gaze shifted to Spike, then back at Garble. “Hmm…actually…on second thought, I have a better idea.” He lifted Spike off of him and set him gently on the bed. “So, Garble, how did you enjoy the show?”

Garble froze. “Uh…w-what?”

Discord smirked and leaned back a bit, exposing himself even more. Garble looked down and swallowed.

Shit.

It was longer.

But only by a bit.

Yeah.

“You heard me. Spike and I's little…performance. Did it…hmm…titillate? Captivate?”

“I…what?”

“I mean, Spike is beautiful, isn't he? A work of art given breath as far as I'm concerned.” He brushed a long, tapered finger around Spike's ear, and Spike gasped.

“D-Discord…”

“I mean, just look at his figure. Curvy, but still boyish to a point. Chubby, but not overtly so. Just enough to allow some, to be a bit crass, ‘cushion for the pushin'. He pinched Spike’s butt, and he squealed in response. “And when he's in the moment, goodness gracious, those noises-“

Garble waved his hand, gesturing for Discord to stop talking. “Yeah, yeah, he's really fuckin' hot, I get it! The hell's yer point?”

“Well, would you like to experience him?”

“What?” “What!?” Both Spike and Garble yelled in unison.

“Discord, what the hay are you-“

“Y…Ya want me to…to fuck ‘im? Why the hell would I-“  
Discord held his hands up in a placating gesture.

"Now, now, both of you calm down. I'm merely suggesting a bit of fun. A ménage à trois. A threesome.”

“Hold on Discord, I dunno if I-“

“Please, love...” Discord stroked Spike's hair. “I know you're into the idea almost as much as I am. I've _read_ those novels you keep hidden under your bed, you know…”

Spike flushed and smacked Discord's arm. “Y-You f- _found_ those!? Do you not know the meaning of _privacy_!?”

“Oh, privacy, schmivacy.” Discord leaned down to nip Spike’s ear. “The fact of the matter is that you are a filthy little _vixen_ , and you love the idea of being restrained, dominated, and ravished by several people at once.”

“Whoa, he _does_? Kinky…"

 _“D-Discord_!”

“Garble, would you be opposed to fucking Spike, together?”

Garble shuffled. “I mean, n-not really. It's kinda hot that a cutie like him has such a kinky side.” He looked off to the side. “It’d just be kinda _weird_ with you there…”

Discord cocked his head. “Really? How so?”

“I…its just…you know!” He gestured vaguely to Discord. “Yer way more experienced than I am, and Spike is too, apparently. I don't wanna embarrass myself…”

Discord chuckled. “You’re a virgin?”

“Y-Yeah, so what!?”

“Nothing. Just means we need to be careful with you.”

“Tch…whatever.”

Discord gestured to Spike. “Would you mind helping him loosen up?”

Spike bit his lip, then nodded. He stood to his feet and walked over to Garble. “I…do you want this?” he asked bashfully, his small nimble fingers gliding over Garble's shirt. “Do you want us? Its…its fine if you don't, o-okay?”

Garble swallowed thickly. “I mean, I think about doing this kinda thing to ya all the time, so yeah, sorta. I'm still kinda worried that he'll be here too but still it can't hurt to try and-“

Spike placed a finger on his lips, quieting him. “Calm down Garble. No need to be scared or nothin'. Now…” his hands drifted to Garble's. “Wouldn’t you be a bit more comfortable over here?” he purred, a coy smirk on his lips.

“S-Sure…okay…” Garble hated how squeaky his voice sounded. Spike just grinned and gently tugged on his hands, urging him forward towards the bed. Garble obeyed, almost lacking control over his leg muscles. Spike pulled him over to Discord, who flashed Spike a devious leer.

“So, Garble, its only fair that you should be nude, considering that we are as well…”

Garble swallowed. “Uh, y-yeah. That sounds pretty fair…” he mumbled, face a nice shade of red.

Discord chortled. “Goodness, its amazing how you act so standoffish and brazen, but the moment things get a bit risqué, you turn into a blushing mess. It's honestly cute.”

Garble glared at him. “Zip it, old man…”

Spike patted Garble's chest and Discord's shoulder. “C’mon guys, let's get started! You both left me hanging, so stop the chattering and finish the job!”

Discord chuckled while Garble looked remarkably like a gasping fish. Discord wrapped an arm around Spike's midsection and pulled him in for an impassioned kiss. Spike let out a surprised gasp before moaning into his mouth, eyes fluttering shut as his mouth was claimed by another. Garble felt his face heat up and his cock give a slight twitch. Spike may be his soulmate, but gods if that wasn't hot.

Discord released Spike's lips, nipping them softly as they parted, drawing another sweet moan from Spike's throat. He then drifted down to Spike’s neck and proceeded to nibble and kiss the flushed skin from his neck to his shoulders. Spike whined with need, his thighs rubbing together in arousal.

“Yeah, as nice as this is, I was hopin' to participate…” Garble grumbled. Discord ceased the movement of his lips and Spike looked a bit sheepish.

“R-Right, s-sorry Garble…we just got a bit caught up…” He pulled himself from Discord’s hold and shook his head, as if trying to shake the vestiges of lustful haze from his head. “Here, lemme help you…” His hands reached for the waistband of Garble's sweatpants and gently pulled them down. Garble shuddered as his cock was exposed to the cool air of the room. Discord hummed and moved forward, stroking Spike's hair.

“Mm…how _naughty_. Walking around with no underwear on. Well, what do you think of his cock, Spike? Is it to your liking?”

Spike flushed even deeper and looked off to the side. “I-Its...its nice…but not as nice as yours is…”

“Gee, thanks.” Garble deadpanned.

Discord rubbed Spike's shoulder gently. “Ooh, you flatter me, love. But, you might have hurt Garble's feelings a bit. Why not make it up to him?” he purred suggestively into Spike's ear. Spike nodded and promptly dropped to his knees. Garble's eyes widened.

Oh man, how many times had he imagined this exact scenario? Spike's head in his lap as the boy lapped at and kissed his cock, or him kneeling in front of him as Garble moved past his kissable lips and fucked that pretty mouth.

Spike smiled up at Garble before letting his eyes slip closed as he pressed a gentle kiss to the head of Garble's dick, then wrapped his hand around the base. Garble moaned softly, bucking into his touch. Spike took in a soft breath before licking at the slit and finally taking the head into his mouth. Garble groaned and his thighs quivered. The only person who had ever touched his dick was him, and Spike's warm, wet little mouth and soft hands were _far_ better than his own hand could ever be.

Spike exhaled through his nose, and let Garble's cock slide further into his mouth, only stopping when his nose pressed against Garble's abdomen. He then pulled back, dragging a shameless moan from the boy above him. Garble's hand tangled in his hair, gently guiding Spike's head as he sucked his dick, his tongue moving over the shaft and his hands gripping and rolling Garble's balls.

“ _Mmm_ , I _love_ to watch that stunning mouth of his at work. Don't you?”

Garble jumped, and then bucked slightly as he felt one of Spike's teeth scrap lightly across his cockhead.

“W-Wha-“

Discord chuckled. “Hm, my apologies. Didn't mean to frighten you. Just wanted to watch him from your point of view. And I must say, he looks ravishing…don't you agree?”

Garble nodded shakily before letting out a cry as Spike sucked a bit harder, thrums of pleasure shooting up his spine and making him shiver. Discord smirked and Garble felt hands drift to his hips.

“As beautiful as he is though… ** _you_** aren’t too shabby yourself…” he purred, then slowly dragged his tongue over the shell of Garble's ear, letting the three silver earrings clink against each other as he did so. Garble gasped and bucked forward, and Spike let out a muffled cry, the vibrations travelling through Garble and making him cry out louder before nearly collapsing against Discord. Discord smirked and kissed Garble's ear. “Oh you poor thing. Never been touched and yet your first time is spent with two people. You must be utterly overwhelmed…” His fingers danced along Garble's hips, before finally grabbing the hem of his t-shirt. “Do you want this to come off, sweetling?”

Garble, his mind clouded with lust and tremors of pleasure coursing through his body, nodded. He felt hot, and at that moment, the suggestions of that silky voice in his ear sounded amazing.

Discord grinned. “Lift your arms…”

Garble obeyed, and keened softly as his shirt was pulled over his head and cooling air caressed his body. He heard a muffled thump, and gasped as warm hands smoothed over his skin. Sharp nails dug slightly into his hips, and he couldn’t help but feel a surge of desire fill him as he felt something warm and hard pressed against him.

“There we are…beautiful...” Discord whispered. His hands trailed up Garble's sides, and then Garble writhed as his nipples were pinched and rolled between Discord’s thumbs and forefingers. Discord kissed Garble's neck and gently thrust against his rear, his cock beginning to leak precum. Garble arched and bucked his hips before letting out a near sob, and Spike let out a soft moan as seed filled his mouth and a bit burbled past his lips. He swallowed, pulled off, and stood to his feet.

“Hu…wow Discord…I didn’t think you would…”

“Hm? What?”

Spike flushed. “I didn’t think you'd want to…with Garble.”

Discord smirked and kissed Garble's ear softly. “Why not? He's not bad to look at. And the noises he makes are…mm…”

Garble panted, his eyes unfocused.

“Uh, he looks like he's about to fall…lets carry him over to the bed…”

Discord nodded, and Garble's body was surrounded by a shimmering aura. He was levitated off of his feet and gently laid upon the bedspread. He groaned softly and stared blearily up into Spike's lidded eyes.

“That was…g-great…”

His eyes slipped closed.

“Wha- did he pass out!?”

“Hmm…it appears so. I guess its to be expected. It was his first time after all, and I imagine having the both of us touching him so intimately just sort of…sapped him of energy. How adorable.”

“More like annoying.” Spike huffed. “I didn’t even get to cum! I was just trying to get him ready so he could f-fuck me…but then he just sorta finished.” He scratched his head, frustrated. “I guess not everybody has your stamina, Discord.”

Discord hummed. “Indeed. But I believe you're forgetting something, love.”

Spike turned to ask Discord what he meant when he was picked up suddenly. His thighs were gripped by strong hands and he shuddered as he felt a hard cock press against his ass, practically radiating heat. Discord stared at him with a near predatory gaze.  
“I didn’t cum yet either, and seeing those lovely little lips of yours wrapped around Garble's cock certainly didn’t do anything to calm me down…I believe you're due for a thorough fuck. Maybe even two. Three if I'm truly feeling up to the task...”

“O-oh…”

Discord licked his lips. “Mm, since Garble is occupying the bed, I suppose I'll have to fuck you on the vanity…or perhaps against the wall. Though, knowing what a filthy little whore you are, you'd likely enjoy being pounded on the floor.” He kissed Spike deeply and squeezed his ass. “Of course, we have time…why not all three? But which one should we do first Spike? Bent over the vanity with that fat, tight ass on full display, letting you watch me plow into you in that mirror? Or against the wall so that I can watch you writhe on my cock? Or maybe you want me to make your knees hurt as I make you moan like a bitch in heat, and then **take** you like one?”

Spike let out a soft moan, his cock straining at Discord’s words. “I-I d-d-don’t c-care…gods, Discord, just _fuck_ me!” he cried, wriggling his ass against Discord's length. Discord grunted and gave Spike a seductive smile.

“It would be my pleasure…”

* * *

 Spike and Garble realized that Discord was a father roughly 4 years later. Spike reclined against Garble, reading a novel. Garble's fingers combed through Spike's hair, soothing the both of them with every light stroke.

Discord walked into the family room, carrying a girl on his back. She looked to be about 12, maybe, and she wore a tattered, lavender dress and a golden cap over her lavender and cream colored locks. Her eyes were a fascinating spiral of alternating purple and white.

“Who’s that?” Garble asked, a single ginger eyebrow raised up with scrutiny.

Discord beamed. “This is Screwball, and she's my daughter!”

“ _ **WHAT**_!?”

“Who're these people Daddy, and why're they so loud?”

* * *

 And so, Garble, Discord, Spike, officially became a family with the introduction of their daughter(?) Screwball. One would argue that a scribe, a punk from the Dragon Lands, and a nigh-omnipotent reality warping chaos god wouldn't make the best caregivers for a young girl. But somehow, they managed. Spike homeschooled her, since she wasn't exactly socially ready to got to school, Discord taught her how to wield chaos magic, excited to have someone else who could use his magic.

  
And Garble…

 

Garble…

 

Garble was a bad influence.

  
“ _FUCK_!” Screwball yelled enthusiastically after hitting her toe on the door frame. Spike's eyes widened in alarm and he paled, and Discord snorted loudly, but quickly masked it when Spike glared at him.

“Screwball! Where in Equestria did you learn that word?”

Screwball glared at the doorframe before looking over at Spike. “What word?”

“Screwball, don't play dumb, _please_.”

Her eyes lit up (in their own special way) with understanding. “Oooh…you mean ‘fuck’?”

Spike cringed and Discord stifled another giggle.

“Y-Yes…that one. That's a bad word sweetheart. You aren’t supposed to say it…”

“But Garble says it all the time!”

“Yes, well, I will speak to Garble about that. But you can't say that word, okay? It’s a bad word, and you aren't bad, are you?”

Screwball shook her head slowly. “M’not bad, I'm ‘unique'.” She said, beaming.

Spike nodded. “That’s right. Now go play, I need to talk with your father.”

“Yeah yeah…bye Spike! Bye Daddy!” She said waved goodbye as she headed towards the Palace entrance to go play outside.

Spike slumped in his arm chair, a tired scowl on his face. “I swear to fucking _Celestia_ , I am going to wring his godsdamned neck.” he growled.

“Ah ah, Spike! No bad words.”

Spike chucked a pillow at him. “Shuddup.”

* * *

 “Daddy? Can you read me a bedtime story?”

Discord raised an eyebrow. “A bedtime story? Didn’t you say you were a 'big girl' _just_ yesterday?”

Screwball fidgeted underneath the quilt. “Well…yeah…” she mumbled. “But this is different! Plus it would help me go to sleep faster~…” She batted her eyelashes.

“Oh gods, I never can win against that adorable swirly-eyed stare.” He groaned.

Discord looked in the doorway at Spike and Garble, who had been the first to leave the bedroom after tucking Screwball in and giving her a goodnight kiss (or in Garble's case, a goodnight noogie), but had stopped upon hearing the girl’s question.

"Mind staying, you two? I’ll make it a production.” He said in a sing-song voice.

Spike and Garble looked at each other. Spike slowly nodded, and when elbowed in the side, Garble reluctantly did as well.

“Tch, fine, but the moment I'm asked to do stupid voices, I'm bailing out of that window and into…well, wherever it takes me. Yer house is so fu- freakin' weird…” Garble flinched at Spike's glare over his near slip up.

Screwball clapped her hands giddily and sat up, practically bouncing with enthusiasm as she awaited her story.

Discord used fire magic to make little figures out of flames that moved as he weaved his tale. It was about a powerful sorcerer, who had such powerful magic that no one in the world was his equal.

_“But even though he was strong, and lived in a wondrous castle made of candy-“_

“A whole castle? Made of candy?” Screwball repeated, spellbound.

“That’s right. The whole thing. Every wall, staircase, room, made of tasty candy. Why, the moat was chocolate milk, and it floated in the sky on a cloud of cotton candy…”

_“But even with a candy castle and powerful magic, the sorcerer was lonely. So very, very lonely. All he ever wanted was…a family. But one day, he happened to walk about the countryside, and met a milkmaid from a small town called Trotshire. She treated him with kindness he had never felt from another living creature, and the became the best of friends. And then some other townspeople became his friends as well.”_

_“One evening, he met a beautiful bookkeeper in the town. He fell in love with that bookkeeper the more he visited the town and spoke with him, and one day, he asked the gorgeous man to become his bride. The bookkeeper accepted, and the sorcerer took him to his castle, to be with him forever.”_

Discord's eyes drifted over to Spike, who he could tell even in the dim light of Screwball's room was blushing.

“ _Eventually, though, a handsome thief came to rob the castle, having heard myth of a treasure without compare that resided within its deepest chamber. However, what he came upon was no mere artifact or trinket, no…”_

His eyes shifted to Spike's.

_“He saw a beautiful young man, green silken robes covering him as he rested upon a soft bed of cotton candy. He was awe-struck, and before he could even think of the consequences, he snatched the lovely stranger and tried to flee the castle.”_

“I bet the sorcerer wasn't happy.”

“No…he most certainly was not.” Discord said, eyes flicking over to Garble who sheepishly looked away.  
_“The sorcerer loved the bookkeeper, but after the thief was bewitched by the bookkeeper’s gaze, strange magic wouldn’t allow him to leave the castle. The bookkeeper, taking pity on the thief, asked the sorcerer to spare his life-“_

“Oh please…” Garble grumbled, rolling his eyes. Spike gave him a kick to the shin, and Garble muttered a few unrecognizable curses.

“Ahem, _he asked the sorcerer to spare his life, and he agreed. For many days and night the thief stayed, wanting to know as much about the bookkeeper as possible. And the bookkeeper, slowly but surely began to fall in love with the thief as well.”_

“But what about the sorcerer?” Screwball asked.

Discord smiled. _“The sorcerer was not worried. He knew that he would always be important to the bookkeeper, and that love wasn’t something that just ran out. Not to mention, the thief was very handsome.”_ He wiggled his eyebrows at Garble, who rolled his eyes despite the smile on his lips.

“ _The sorcerer decided that they would all be together, and in return, the thief was never allowed to leave the castle. But the thief loved the bookkeeper so much, he agreed without hesitation, and the bookkeeper agreed as well. The display of love and devotion was so powerful that it took form and manifested as a fairy princess, who they adopted as if their very own daughter. They all embraced, and the sorcerer was overcome with joy, because he finally got the family he had wanted for so long. And they all lived happily ever after. The end.”_

The flames evaporated into sparkles. “Well, that's it. What did you think, snapdragon?”

Screwball snuggled into her pillow. “That was cool. ‘Specially when they adopted the fairy”. She yawned. “I’m sleepy…”

He ruffled her hair and chuckled. “Then go to _sleep_ , silly.”

“Yeah yeah…G’nite Daddy…”

Discord kissed her on the forehead. “Goodnight dear.”  
He ushered his lovers out of the room, and followed them out, snuffing out the wall sconce as he did so. He gently closed the door behind him.

“’ _Handsome thief_ ’, huh?” Garble said slyly. “I like it. Suits me.”

Spike snorted. “Don’t let it go to your head.”

“Tch, whatever ya say, ‘ _beautiful bookkeeper_ '.” Garble snapped.

“Will both of you stop speaking so loudly outside her door?”

“Yes, my Sorceror.” Spike purred, his hands playing with the top button of Discord's sweater vest. “Mind taking me to the bedchambers?” His gaze flitted back to Garble.” You too, Thief.”

“Whatever my beautiful bride desires…” Discord whispered before kissing Spike's cheek. Garble chuckled.

“Well, I _am_ a thief. Might as well steal your heart.”

“Ugh, that was awful.”

“Agreed. I'm usually okay with puns, but that was just corny.”

“Aw shut up.”

Garble stalked off to the bedroom, Spike on his heel, and Discord stared after them affectionately.  
He then looked at the door to Screwball's room.

It had taken several millennia…but he finally had it.

A family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay tuned. Epilouge coming up!  
> Wowie, this is actually the longest thing I have ever written. Period.


	25. T-That's all folks!

Welp...

Thats it!

Literally Just the Worst Thing is now finished!

*chirping crickets*

lmao, anyways...

When I posted this drabble/headcanon series, I figured it wouldn't get any attention whatsoever. I mean, Spike/Discord? _Spike/Garble_? **Discord** /Garble? **_Discord/Spike/Garble_**!? What kind of cringy fangirl thinks up such weird, implausable ships?

 

(lol, dat me)

I figured anyone who saw this abomination show up while browsing fanfiction would take one look at it, read the ships and the monstrosity that is the tags section, and cringe so hard that their body collapsed in on itself. Certainly wasn't expecting to get 700+ hits. That means at least a dozen or so people bothered to read this tripe! Wow.

Tbh, Spikecord, and really every other ship in this is weird. I am aware. I acknowledge its not really plausible, and that writing porny one-shots about humanoid MLP characters having gay sex is...something I wouldn't want my mother to find out I did. (^_^;)

Even so...I don't regret a second I spent making this. Ending it is almost bittersweet for me. Its like...my baby. My gross, weird baby. 

So while this is the end of THIS collection, I have plenty more ideas and stories involving Spikecord (+Garble, sometimes). Headcanons, Drabbles, one-shots, backstory establishment, AUs, etc...I have so much cringe to share! (*´∀`*)

So, with that being said, I am planning on churning out more Spikecord stories. Some will be porny, some will be fluffy, some will be angsty, and hell, some might even get a bit cracky. I might even write a few other stories based around the pairing. Perhaps a Perspective's series, where we can look at how all of their friends view their relationship. And of course, can't forget Garble, that adorable fucking asshole. He might show up occasionally as well. ;-)

But for now, don't be shy on checking out some of the other Spikecord stories currently on my profile, including Chauis Fera, which is a sort of slow burn, adventure romance story, and Stuck In A Rut, which is...um...well, you'll know when you read it!

Of course ALL of my future stories won't be Spikecord based. I plan on doing some involving Twilestia, Tirekcord, and even ones that don't involve romance. I'm also planning on expanding my horizons by doing fanfic for other fandoms. Gotta step outside my comfort zone, y'know?

 

Finally, thanks to all my readers who gave kudos, and special thanks to LightningCloud9000! Your comments ALWAYS brighten my day, make me giggle, and motivate me to keep writing! I really appreciate you and your readership! <3<3<3

Alright, this is getting sappy! I'm signing off.

See ya until next time, and remember to keep calm and bara on!

 

\-------Baroness of Bara


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